Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: David Lemieux (page 2 of 4)

Happy Little Deadheads

Here’s our friend David Lemieuxsicmakesthepeoplecometogether with one of his seaside chats, this time about the upcoming Dave’s Picks 20, from 12/9/81 in Boulder, CO. Instead of his usual setting, DL has chosen to make this video standing in front of one of Bob Ross’ paintings.

Oh, How I Like To Be Beside The Seaside

Since there’s been so much going on–

John Mayer wore an outfit and everyone lost their minds

There were also several terrorist attacks.

And that certainly couldn’t be said about any other three-day period in 2016.

Please allow me to dissemble and rationalize in peace.

Go to it, slugger.

Thank you. The new Dave’s Pick, number 19 in what will hopefully be an infinite series, has been announced and while it’s a show from the 70’s, it is a show that is just barely from the 70’s: 1/23/70 (and most of the 24th) from Honolulu, HI.

I need to listen to this show again before I comment. Honestly. Listened to is a few days ago, and I trust David Lemieuseumofnaturalhistorx, so I need to listen to it again before I decide that I don’t like this show.

Watch the video and let him sell you on it; also, DL reveals that he believes that Killer Whales are named that because they’re just so awesome. (“They just kill it, y’know?)

Howe About That?

gordie howe

Someone posted this in the Comment Section and it deserves to be seen in the largest frame: this is Gordie Howe, and he did not take steroids because they hadn’t been invented yet. (Well: they had, but only Commies were taking them.) Also: what the fuck was he trying to catch with that reel? Humpbacks?

Gordie was known for a lot of things, but the Gordie Howe Hat Trick is the best: that’s a goal, an assist, and a fight in one game. (Gordie actually only achieved a GHHT twice, and he wasn’t the first guy to do it, but it was named after him because people like naming things after famous athletes.)

But did you know that there were other hat trick varieties?

Garcia Hat Trick Burn down a hotel room, green room, and dressing room all in one day.

Wade Boggs Hat Trick A hit, a run, and 37 beers in one game.

Guy LaFleur Hat Trick A goal, an assist, and a compliment on his hair.

John Mayer Hat Trick 10,000 likes on Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter on one post.

Mickey Hat Trick Drum solo, drum circle, and a free Dead shirt.

Leonid Brezhnev Hat Trick A goal, an assist, and a good eyebrow day in one Great Game.

Sincerely, though: my thoughts this night are with all hockey fans and Canadians and especially Dead archivist David Lamieuxrningdew. He was a fan of Mr. Hockey, and he and his wife Regina named two of their septuplets after Mr. Howe. (You remember the septuplets: Gordie, Girl Gordie, Northstar, Jean-Luc, Fleece, and the twins, Billie and Mickie.)

Back To Back, And To The Left

david lemieux film look

Dave?

“There was a second shooter.”

I’m gonna leave you alone.

Head, ‘Phones

Enthusiasts, I am investing in myself, and in us; I have put a portion of the t-shirt profits back into the business.

You bought headphones.

Exactly! Can’t make t-shirts without listening to the Dead; can’t listen to the Dead without headphones; needed new headphones. It was an investment and I will be claiming it as such on my taxes, should I pay them.

Playing with fire there, buddy.

Oh, I’m sure the IRS has a sense of humor.

Right. So, what did you get?

Honestly?I got exhausted. The process was enervating. The world has become the scene from Moscow on the Hudson where Robin Williams goes to the American supermarket for the first time to get coffee, and there’s a massive wall of every brand and flavor you’ve ever seen, and he’s overcome and collapses. There’s too much choice, and too many choices.

You started looking up reviews, didn’t you?

Of course.

And reading the comment sections.

God help me, I did.

Always a blunder. Did you solicit help from friends and associates?

From men and women of the highest caliber. People whose opinions I respect.

What did they say?

They all said that the headphones they owned were the best headphones.

Weird coincidence.

Well-meaning, all of them. But then my brain started talking to me.

Shit.

Right. My brain showed me this photo of Dead archivist David “That’s No” Lemieuxnitsaspacestation:

dave lemieux couch headphones

The man’s a silver fox.

They’re called silver moose in Canada.

Ah. And your brain brought up this fairly uninteresting photo for what reason?

He’s wearing headphones. And my brain was all, “Dude. That guy listens to Dead shows for a living.” And I said that there was more to his job than that, but my brain was at least a little bit right.

It wasn’t entirely wrong, no.

And then my brain said, “Just do what that guy does,” and I said, “Those are a little more than I wanted to spend, Brain,” and then I began counting things around the house and hearing voices and I forgot how numbers worked and my brain went, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I CAN DO TO YOU? DO WHAT I TELL YOU AND BUY THE HEADPHONES,” and I clicked the “Purchase” button and felt much better.

That didn’t happen.

In a way, it did.

Don’t blame things on your brain. You are your brain.

Right. Who am I speaking with right now?

Point granted.

Thank you.

Did you really buy the headphones that were out of your budget because you saw DL wearing them?

THE MAN IS A PROFESSIONAL DEAD-SHOW LISTENER!

You’re special.

Yeah.

We’ll Fix It In Post

This video played before the Meetup, which means you can now call him David Lemieuxviestar; laugh if you want, but you’ve never been on a movie screen. As always, DL is adorable, or at least the Canadian version, ehdorable. If that is his home, I approve of his tasteful furnishings. (I’m also fairly certain he’s wearing makeup, but it’s not a video for YouTube; you kinda have to.)

Shipping notices for the Complete July ’78 have already gone out, and the box set shall arrive in Enthusiasts’ mailboxes in a day or two, and then a day or two after that, it will magically appear on my computer. Perhaps that is one of the new functions that I haven’t explored.

Observant viewers will note that the clip is only four minutes long; usually by four minutes into a video, DL is only halfway through talking about the woodland creatures within his view. He doesn’t mention the Dead until a dozen minutes have gone by in one of them. But here, David is on his best behavior and really bearing down, although if you look into his eyes, you can see pain.

TotD now presents The Pre-production Phone Call For This Video As Heard From David Lemieuxlevariations’ Side Of The Conversation:

“We’re on the same page: short and to the point and enthusiastic.”

“Not unless I see one, no.”

“Hey, man: if I see a bird, then I talk about the bird.”

“Because people need to know about the bird, that’s why.”

And so on.

Requiem For A Dick Joke

You’re the victims here, Enthusiasts. The Lost Post (it’s been capitalized) was yours, it was your birthright; the Devil snatched it from you. Once again: you are all victims. I suggest you start on your memoirs immediately.

As I mentioned, the 2000-words (so many words!) were an overview of the Dave’s Picks series, but do you think that’s all there was? No, no, a million times no: the post spread and unfurled this way and that. To where, precisely, did it get to?

Excellent question.

It was in English for sure. 100% guarantee it was in English, plus a couple words I made up that follow the rules of English but are not technically English. Was the English good, and in the correct order? Possibly, some, in bits and pieces: we can assume that the punctuation was idiosyncratic and far too many semi-colons were used.

Were the Powerball number cyphered into the dick jokes? Did I confess to my many crimes? Did I commit many further crimes? Are there others out there like me? Should we fight crime? How much crime? Gotta leave the police some, after all. Did I team-up with other super-heroes and fight a pre-determined amount of crime?

What’s the frequency, Ned Lagin?

First there is a post. Then, there is no post. Then, there is. That shit’s kinda heavy if you don’t think about it, or you’re a gullible white person on drugs. (If you ever want to get a gullible white person to sign over his power of attorney to you, give him drugs and then have a really foreign guy say deep bullshit at him for a while. Loosens him right up; he’ll sign anything.)

There were congratulations to David Lemieuxssolini for the high quality of the series that bears his name, and words of respect and gratitude for his hard work. I showed the world what DL looked like when he began answering the whistle that started his shift down in the Choogle Mines:

David Lemieux young hat

Look at that smile, that cherubic face unburdened by the years, the toil, the dank of the Choogle Mines. That’s a Canadian ready to shovel the walk and face the day. Look at his eyes! They twinkle and dash, like elf purse-snatchers. He has joie de vivre, which is French for “a hat on.”

This is a screencap from Dave’s latest Seaside Chat:

[PDF] Fishermen - Street Kids -

He did this to himself for you people.

The whole post was crammed full of stuff like that: I would neither exaggerate, nor lie to you. (I totally would, and I frequently do.)  There was hilarity, sure, and pithy bon mots (the pithiest), and perhaps even words to live by. I mean: that’s on you, the words-to-live-by thing. You’re allowed to live by any words you want. If you disregard the author’s intent hard enough, you can live by a VCR repair manual.

That would be silly. In fact, that would be outrageous and I am now angered. Allow me to now lash out at you, Enthusiasts, and accuse you of things. None of you helped me. None of you even asked if I needed help! How dare you.

Saw this coming.

I J’ACCUSE YOU.

You profess to have respect for the English language, and then you do things like that to it.

You have a problem with my j’accusing the Enthusiasts?

Oh, God, don’t conjugate it.

Fine: I’ll just talk about my j’accusations.

KUH-CHACK

KREEEEEEEEEEEE

TIGERNOISE

MRONCH NOMNOMNOM

Did you just walk into a tiger cage and then the tiger ate you?

Yes.

I like when we do that. It’s fun to do stuff together.

I hate you.

Anyway, there was more of everything and a little bit on top of that, but nothing’s gonna bring it back. (Dead reference.) There were, however, two points I made that have been alluded to in the Comment Section. I shall address them, and then we shall never speak of this again. It’ll be the ’72 studio album that never happened, or one of Aristophanes’ lost plays.

(I am just like Aristophanes.)

First: DaP 12 from Colgate. I don’t remember the specifics, but I went out of my way to couch my criticisms as personal and preferential; my language was conciliatory; weasel words were employed willy-nilly. My argument was this: Keith’s PLONK PLONK PLONK PLONK four-to-the-bar box chords are not just annoying, but mixed so high as to be so distracting that the rest of the music is lost to me. It was, I said numerous times, just my opinion.

And then I was cyber-bullied and stripped of my First Amendment rights by some SKWs (Social Keith Warriors) in the Comment Section. When other people disagree with my opinions, I feel like I’m being opinion-shamed; that’s wrong, because opinions come in all shapes and sizes. Some opinions are beautiful and true, and others are dumb as shit, but all opinions are beautiful. Even the ugly ones.

Plus the whole disappearing post thing has me cranky, so I am choosing to double-down on my argument: Dave’s Picks 12 is the musical equivalent of putting a cat in a cannon, and then firing the cat at a brick wall. Not fucked-up cat, either: real cute fucker. Cuddly, purrs, the whole nine yards.

And depending on far away the wall was, the BOOM and the SPLAT might be almost simultaneous: BOOMSPLAT. Or perhaps the sound would be more like a SHPLORF. No, not SHPLORF: it would be wetter. What about PLUNF?

Please stop. Please stop firing the cats at the wall.

I’m not actually doing that.

You’re doing it in your head, and I’m in there with you.

I want to know what it would sound like if you shot a kitty out of a cannon at a brick wall, and a thought experiment is the only way to do it. Even if there is a video on the innertubes, I don’t want to actually see it.

There’s a video.

There’s probably a whole site.

Move on.

And second: a request has been made for a definition of “80’s Truther.”

80’s Truther [Brentus veritasus] – This small but vocal verbose sub-species of Deadhead is identified by two core beliefs.

  1. The 80’s were the musical high point of the Grateful Dead’s career.
  2. David Lemieux and Big Dead are keeping this information from the world.

The 80’s Truther is found in forums and comment sections everywhere, but can be reliably sighted at Dead.net with the announcement of each new release from the 70’s.

Now, the 80’s Truther is not to be confused with the First Show Proselytizer, even though they often overlap. Also, just by the very laws of math, some FSPs have to be right when they say that their first show was the best show EVAR. Somebody’s first show was Veneta; at least one guy got dragged to Cornell and then got on the bus. But, you know: most FSPs want to preach to you about how ’92 is a truly underrated year.

It should further be noted that the 80’s Truther needs to believe there is a conspiracy afoot to be properly labeled as such. There must be a blithe disregard of any excuse about how “the tapes are shit,” or “Garcia falls asleep during Crazy Fingers,” or “the tape is shit and Garcia fell asleep during The Wheel.” No, these things can’t be true. It’s gotta be personal. David Lemieuxligatawny has it out for the 80’s. For reasons.

It was a good post, but now it’s in its own reality and won’t take our calls.

Was it ever here at all?

Quiet, Too Quiet

2000 fucking words. I wrote 2000 fucking words on the Dave’s Picks series last night, and this piece of shit computer ate every single one. I went through the entire run until 2:30 in the fucking morning. I came up with many funny ways to say David Lemiuex’s name, and I was very mean to DaP 12 from Colgate ’77. (Tl;dr: Keith is terrible and mixed too high.) I mocked 80’s Truthers, and then eventually took their side.

We even visited with DL’s children. You remember the Lemieux Septuplets: Gordie, Girl Gordie, Northstar, Jean-Luc, Fleece, and the twins, Mickie and Billie.

Well, they’re gone. Canadian government took the kids and are raising them in a zoo for their own health and safety.

So here we are: you have nothing to read, and I came face-to-face with the utter pointlessness that is my continued existence.

Happy fucking Tuesday.

Diagnosis: Completism

In a rare display of helpfulness, one of the commentators over at Dead.net links to this interview with David Lemooooooooooooooooooooooo–

Really?

-oooooooooooooooooo–

Stop it.

–ooox on the subject of the Europe ’72 box set, which was expensive and audacious and all-encompassing and hand-crafted from obscure wood: it was the perfect Grateful Dead release. It looked like this:

europe 72 box open

The shows are individually packaged up all nice; there are booklets of both the hard and soft covered varieties; the box is a manner old-timey. If the inside of your luggage looked like that, then you were on the winning side of Colonialism. I’m not a collector of anything tangible, but this fucker is cool; I would approve of someone purchasing one.

The interview is worth reading: DL goes into detail about the technical bullshit behind releasing a massive chunk of Dead like this, all the inside-baseball stuff about the 22-show, 73-CD box. But if you don’t have the time, I have collated the salient points for you:

  • Billy kept calling Rhino and demanding the set be titled You’re A-Peein’ Tour.
  • At several points during the interview, DL gets distracted by animals and the weather.
  • The mixing and mastering and whatnot took more than a year, mostly because of all the subliminal messages they had to weave into the music.
  • Due to several obscure treaties concerning the intellectual rights of countries, by purchasing the Europe ’72 set you become an EU citizen; you will have to let some refugees stay in your basement.
  • As usual, information about Bobby’s espionage activities during the tour have been censored by Big Dead.
  • A vinyl release was considered until someone did the math and realized that 22 Dead shows equals a million, billion LPs.
  • There are five golden CDs hidden within the 7200 boxes; the people who find them get to come to The Vault, where they will be murdered ironically by oompa-loompas.
  • Mickey wanted to put raccoons in the collector’s-item cases.
  • “Furious ones,”
  • Mickey said.
  • So David Lemieux said,
  • “What?”
  • “It’ll be funny. When the raccoon leaps out.”
  • “But you won’t be there when the person opens it, Mick.”
  • “We’ll know it happened, though.”
  • “And wouldn’t the raccoon die?”
  • “They’re tough little fuckers.”
  • And so on.
  • The stalwart (and under-appreciated) Jeffrey Norman required eight months to mix and master all three-and-a-half day’s worth of Dead music; throughout the process, David Lemieux would send him notes such as “Are those new trousers? They fit you well,” and “I believe in you, Jeffyballs,” and “You’re the best;” Jeffrey Norman was heartened by DL’s direct and sincere show of friendship and support, but he put an end to the Jeffyballs bullshit immediately.
  • Considered making Keith audible at all times, but finally decided on making Keith audible at some times.
  • Once you open the case and remove the booklets, you need to keep the softcover and hardcover separated; they will mate, and you will have pamphlets on your hands.
  • Europe ’72: The Complete Recordings is gluten-free.
  • During this interview, David Lemieutopiax is asked about whether releasing all of one tour would lead to further “theme” boxes; the questioner brings up a “Complete Cleveland” compilation, and DL does not begin to loudly berate him about how Atlanta would be a much better candidate for a complete collection; that is good manners.
  • On the other hand, are there any enormous themes left for another huge box?
  • Let’s see:
    • The only weapon in the Dead’s sheath as imbued with weight and importance (maaaaaan) is the Wall. You could do a complete ’74, but a bunch of shows have already been released and then there’s the September European tour; at least three of those shows are utter stinkers, not even average or boring: downright bad. But if you’re doing the “complete” thing, then you have to put them on.
    • Every New York City show: 157 shows, which puts you around 460 compact discs. The packaging could be a life-size Checker cab, and the mixing and mastering would take Jeffrey Norman the rest of his life.
    • TC Comes Alive: The Complete Tom Constanten Year-And-A-Half.
    • A random show from ’79, but slowed down so much that it takes up 70 CDs, and it comes in a nice wooden box.
    • 231 shows. 700 discs. $4,000. Every Dark Star show. It comes with Hologram Garcia. (Do not make Hologram Garcia.)
      • Hey, look at what I can do.
      • Stop screwing around.
      • I wonder if it goes any further. Do I dare?
        • AHHHHHHH!
        • Knock it off! Go back to normal.
        • I can’t! I don’t know how!
          • See!
          • Motherfucker, you put us back where we’re supposed to be.
          • OKAY. Wait. I think I can do this.
            • Shit.
            • I hate you.

Just A Taste

IMG_4143

The upcoming July 1978: The Complete Recordings set is, on paper, the most exciting box since the Europe ’72 tour came out: not just remastered versions of the Betty Boards from Red Rocks, but three–count ’em–wild card shows. What was the last release that featured a show you hadn’t heard before, let alone three from a great year?

(Shut up. ’78 is a great year. And even if you don’t agree with me, David Lemieushuporx does, judging by the record; this means I win.)

There’s excerpts from the three non-circulating shows over at Dead.net, but I’m steering clear for now: I’m not a huge fan of context-less Dead. The proper unit is a Show; you could further divide into Sets, but you can’t measure the Grateful Dead in Songs.  You can listen, though. Hell, you can do whatever you want.

Older posts Newer posts
%d bloggers like this: