Tag: fish

Everybody wants to fuck fish. But which fish to fuck? You don’t wanna show up a party with a dog of a fish on your arm. People will laugh! So to aid you, the fishfucker, TotD now presents Fish Ranked By Fuckability:

WHALE SHARK Them gals is thicc, and their loving is sweet and warm. Not a great beej, though, due to their mouths being eight feet across. Otherwise: this is a fish you want to fuck.

PIRANHA You’d think not, but there’s a trick: Gotta pull their teeth. Then you stick your booboo in the water and let ’em gum you to completion. Piranha are into group scenes.

FUGU If you don’t fuck a fugu fish right, it’ll kill you. Fugu are kinda like Italian chicks in that regard.

SLIMEFISH Don’t have to buy lube! That’s money in your pocket, and your dick in a fish.

HAMMERHEAD SHARK Just put a bag on their head and do your business.

That’s enough. I should’ve stopped this at the title.

I’m providing a public service.

You’re showing your ass, muchacho.

My brain feels like it has its tongue on a 9-volt battery.

That’s called insanity.

It tingles!

Okee-dokee, buddy. 

• East Atlantic Smook.
• Spine-finned barbarossa.
• Greater jazzhand.
• Jamaican royal abalone.
• Chesterton’s articulated porpoise.
• Dentistfish.
• Possumfish.
• Lake Baikal silver immaculate.
• Sneakerheaded trout.
• Red sallygagger.
• Chinese longtailed peabobryson
• Rainbow motherfucker.
• Sextopus.
• Septepus.
• Octocep. (One leg, eight heads.)
• Corrugated sockass.
• Swagfish.
• Maldivian gunwale.
• Good enough white shark.
• Intermittently competent white shark.
• Unacceptable white shark.
• White privileged shark.
• Glastonbury lungwalker.
• King of herrings. (Real thing.)
• Sea kangaroo.
• Filipino fluke.
• Bowhunter squid.
• Bucktoothed peterfish.
• Rio koi.
• Cascapating interloper.
• Hudson river rockfish.
• Crumpie.
• Manglerfish.
• Manchovy.
• Hamperhead.