“My guest this morning is a member of President Trump’s legal team, Jay Sekulow. Good morning, Mr. Sekulow.”

“I disagree with your assertion that the morning is good. Hello, Jake.”

“Mr. Sekulow–”

“Jake. this entire farce has been nothing but a witch hunt against the greatest president this nation or any has ever seen. President Trump has been working his fingers to the bone for America, but stymied in his attempts to make America great again by the Democrats and the media.”

“Where is the president now?”

“Watching women’s golf for the third day in a row.”

“Mr. Sekulow, let’s go over the facts.”

“I disagree with those, too.”

“Yes, that seems to be a prerequisite for this administration. Nevertheless, on June 8th of last year, there was a meeting in Trump Tower that I’d like to talk about.”

“A very normal meeting.”

“No, sir.”

“I have never been to a single meeting in my working life that did not contain at least one music promoter and a Russian translator.”

“Right.”

“Regardless of what the lying media wants to say about this meeting, it was completely standard procedure.”

“No, this isn’t standard procedure at all. The email to Donald Trump, Jr., was very specific in the fact that the information to be exchanged in that meeting came from the Russian government.”

“Who reads emails these days?”

“Mr. Sekulow.”

“Jake, you need to remember that things were happening very quickly at that point, and there just wasn’t time to be ethical.”

“What?”

“And let me remind you that Hillary Clinton’s campaign received the questions for one of the debates early.”

“Why is that relevant?”

“Because why are you not questioning her lawyer today?”

“Mr. Sekulow, she’s not the president.”

“Maybe she should have colluded with the Russians. Really helped us out.”

“Are you admitting that the Trump campaign colluded with the Russians, sir?”

“Sure! Everybody colludes! We’re colluding right now. I colluded with my family this morning. Maybe I’ll collude with my dog later.”

“That’s not what collude means.”

“Collude. Funny sounding word.”

“If we could get on track–”

“James Comey told the president on three separate occasions that he wasn’t being investigated, and I think that about puts an end to it.”

“It doesn’t.”

“Oh, so James Comey was lying? Guess we can’t believe anything else he said and maybe he should be tried for perjury.”

“Perjury? From when?’

“When he colluded with the Senate committee.”

“Mr. Sekulow, what do you think the word ‘collusion’ means?”

“It doesn’t really mean anything. It’s just a placeholder word.”

“Not a thing.”

“The fact is that the president had no knowledge of this meeting, even though nothing even slightly illegal or immoral happened in it.”

“But, Mr. Sekulow, if there was nothing wrong with the meeting, then why wouldn’t the president want to know about it?’

“Uhhh.”

“The Secret Service said it was okay.”

“What?”

“The campaign ran the meeting by the Secret Service, and they thoroughly vetted the participants and okayed the meeting.”

“Mr. Sekulow, the producer in my ear is telling me that the Secret Service just tweeted out, and I quote, No we fucking didn’t followed by three…no, four emojis.”

“Which emojis?”

“Laughing-so-hard-its-crying.”

“I stand by my statement. Jake, this is all fake news. The meeting that Donald Trump, Jr,, set up on his own with absolutely no oversight from the president was completely legal. The White House is very proud of Don, Jr., and the meeting that he set up all by himself and the emails he answered on his personal computer without being advised to by the president. Very proud, and if anyone has to go to jail, it should be him. Very proud.”

“Wow.”

“Thanks for having me, Jake. I have 32 other interviews to give this morning.”

“Thank you, Mr. Sekulow.”