Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: jerry (page 1 of 5)

Those Things’ll Kill Ya



Crown Yourself The King Of Clowns



Let It Grow


Though the man who owned the farm was a huge Deadhead, even he had to admit that the new scarecrow was just not working.

Hell Of A Drug #4

The only reason Garcia is not doing more drugs is because he has run out of hands.

River Deep, Mountain Girl

I would be physically unable to call another human being “Mountain Girl” without making a hash of the thing and being thrown out of the room for harshing everyone’s groovy groove. Nor would I be able to substitute MG, knowing as I do what it stands for.

“Mountain Girl, would you pass the salt, please?”

No. I could not do that.


Mountain Girl had Kesey’s baby, then Garcia’s kid. She wins being a Hippie Chick.

Jerry Curl

Look at his skinny little legs, which are encased in the worst set of trousers known to man. Has Garcia ever met a proper pantaloon? A suitable slack?

House Hunters: San Francisco

“So, the apartment has two bedrooms, two baths, aaaaaaaaand it’s just been burned down accidentally. Have you thought about a condo?”

Hell Of A Drug #2

No one had the heart to tell Garcia it was October 3rd.

Starts And Stops

The Dead could end songs. And by that I mean they had the requisite musical knowledge to properly end a tune, not that they knew when to do it. Also, rock songs only end one of two ways: sudden stop or big loud noise.

Starting songs was a little more difficult. That first riff, the one that most bands labor over to get your attention immediately, that says that this band is a professional band made up of professional people? The Dead weren’t good at that. They figured they had at least four or five bars to get the tempo together, and eight to ten bars for the key. They had, however, all been playing the same song at the same time since the “someone just walk over and tell Keith what we’re playing” policy was implemented.

For good or for ill, the songs were precisely as long as they wanted to be (which means, until Billy got bored). The tempos wandered all over the place, from the glacial ’72 Sing Me Back Home to the skittering, out-of-control ’85. ’85 was like the first ten minutes after you slam crystal, right? And you’re just like UHHHHHHH and then you’re like YEEEEEESSHfuck and–

I’m gonna step in here turn down his volume just a touch and say to everyone out there that Thoughts on the Dead supports living clean, waking up early, and smoothies of all sort. ¬†Under no circumstances should any of you shoot crystal meth. Let’s check back in.¬†

–and your cock’s like–

Oh, for Christ’s…

Play Ball

I usually make fun of Vince, but I’m old-fashioned enough to like it when people put their hands over their hearts during the Anthem.

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