Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: justin kreutzmann

It’s A Family-Friendly Band

Please tell me that’s Justin.

“Yeah, I think it is. He seems to know me.”


“I’m fucking with you, Ass! Course it’s my kid. I made him.”


“With my dick.”

Stop it.

“Me and Justy, father-son time. See, you think I’m a sleazehound, but I’m a family kinda guy.”

Uh-huh. What does father-son time entail?

“He’s gonna wander around unsupervised all day while I do drugs and jam with my friends.”

I don’t think that’s optimal.

“Well, what the fuck did you do with your dad?”

Sat in tense silence wishing we could speak to one another.

“Yeah, that blows. My version’s better. Maybe I get the kid laid.”

No, Billy.

“He’s old enough. What is he, 15?”

Eight. He’s, like, eight years old Billy.

“Never too early for skank.”

Eight is too early for skank.

“Wasn’t for me. Little League snack bar, man. Nothing draws skank like a snack bar. Probably cuz a lot of ’em aren’t allowed in real restaurants any more, but who knows with skank?”

Billy, please talk about anything else. Think of the child.

“You’re right. Hey, I’m famous.”

To certain people.

“Maybe I hook Justy up with one of them Hollywood starlets. What’s Kristy McNichol’s number?”

I don’t know, and–once again–he is eight.

“Fine, I’ll bang her.”

We’re done.


This is all the rehearsing that Furthur did.



“Bobby, stop calling me that.”


Even backstage, Mickey doesn’t get a real drum set.




Jeff Chimenti is a Shorts Die-Hard, isn’t he? Everybody knew one in college: the guy–it’s only guys that do this–who ALWAYS wears shorts, no matter what the weather or occasion. Usually, though, they’re fat guys or at least stocky. Jeff Chimenti is the skinniest SDH I’ve ever seen.


“Yeah, I’m gonna need the white people to stop encircling me, please.”


The fellow with the camera is Justin Kreutzmann–you know Justin–and he’s putting together a documentary about rock and roll drummers called Let There Be Drums. You can read about it, and see something called a sizzle reel, right here.

FUN FACT: For the past few years, Justin has been an editor on The Bachelorette.

Kreutzmann, Kreutzboyy

benjy421 2 weeks ago #10 on the

Happy Father’s Day, Billy.

“Ass! Not my kid.”

Yup, sorry, I see it now.

billy justin drumming

There ya go.

“Look at him. I made that.”

You did.

“Used to live in my balls.”

You ruin everything.

“He is the physical manifestation of my lovemaking.”

Stop talking.

“Although, you know: I’m not totally sure he’s mine.”

What? That’s a terrible thing to say! Why?

“No mustache.”

All of you are terrible at Father’s Day.

Lama, Ding Dong

Are those Tibetan prayer beads on your wrist?

“Dude. You have: no. fucking. IDEA how spiritual I am.”

How spiritual are you?

“Dalai Lama’s been at my house.”

I will give you this one: Dalai Lama at your house is the height of White Guy Spirituality.

“Used my shitter. Little bastard top-decked me.”

The Dalai Lama did not top-deck you.

“Ah, you’re right: I’m fuckin’ with ya.”

How much you gotta donate to Free Tibet Inc. before the Dali Lama comes over.

“Dude. You have: no. fucking. IDEA how much those fuckers cost.”

I can imagine.

“Plus you know: I’m not gonna just make the first donation they suggest, right? Everything’s negotiable, I figure.”

“You ever negotiate with a Buddhist monk?”


“Fuckers believe in reincarnation: they’ll just wait ’til you crack.”

Good strategy.

“Worse than the Mafia. You sit down with a mob guy, you don’t have to listen to the fucking prayer wheels: you’ll agree to their demands just to get out of the room.”

Okay: we haven’t really talked about what you’re going to do for the show.

“Long lens.”


“Black and white. Color.”



That’s the name of the company that makes movie cameras: you haven’t given this a second’s thought, have you?

“I’m gonna be more of a big-picture guy on this project.”

What does that mean?

“I will be letting everyone else do everything and taking the credit and cashing the check.”

Again: I cannot fault your strategy.

“Got this shit on lockdown.”



Right, sure. So, who’s going to be doing the actual directing?

“Guy. Guy the Dead sent over. Nice kid. Good guy.”

“Jason Katzman!”


“Jordan Kookamunga.”


“Jibby Kockandballs.”

That’s not even close to a human name. Justin Kreutzmann will be doing the work.

“Sure, okay. Great guy. Good kid. Like me: started with no connections and made his way.”

He may have had a contact in the organization.

His dad.

“Harry Mendoza had a son?”

We’re done. Nice watch.

“Gift from John Mayer.”

That's My Boy

billy justin cute outside

A tale of the common and unique: Justin has the single most common haircut for any child on the planet. Boy or girl on any continent other than Africa: odds are that’s the ‘do.

Whereas Billy went to Big-Dicked Sheila’s Beauty Salon for Rock Stars and their Ilk and demanded “the Billy.”

Wish I Was A Headlight

jerry startled


Y’know what you won’t read in David Paumgarten’s sure-to-be excellent liner notes to the upcoming Dave’s Picks? What you won’t read in Dennis “I am lying to you” McNally’s glossy time about the band? (That was honestly his fraternity nickname: it’s branded into his ass.) How about a fact you won’t barely almost kinda make out over the wind, waves, and psychotic homeless men screaming in the background of David Lemiueueixiuex’s latest video-chat?

It’s this: Garcia was 1/8th White-Tailed Deer. You couldn’t tell from looking at his face, but if you shined a light in his eyes at night, he would freeze up and there was nothig he could do about it.

Jerry Garcia In A Sidecar

jerry bill graham motorcycle

Thanks to Friend of TotD, Steveb, for alerting me to the existence of this picture, which I had never seen before, but will now be getting tattooed on my face.

In case you don’t read the comments, he posted a portion of a cool article about the gig (12/6/80 at the Mill Valley Recreational Center) pictured above and in the last post. Check it out:

There’s a sweet story behind this gig, which was on 12/6/80. To quote from an article by Steve McNamara in Marin County’s Pacific Sun newspaper, which I have actually saved all these years:

“The Dead live in Mill Valley

“In New York and San Francisco people sleep on sidewalks for days in order to buy – at nearly any price – tickets to a Grateful Dead Concert. So it was remarkable to spend a mellow Saturday afternoon at the Mill Valley Recreation Center listening to The Dead play, free, to an audience of no more than 70. The occasion was the annual Christmas party of the Marin-Sonoma chapter of the Muscular Dystrophy Association. Rodney Graves, who has a form of muscular dystrophy, is a good friend and Alto School fifth grade classmate of Justin Kreutzmann, son of Dead drummer Bill Kreutzmann. The boys were talking about the party and how it would be nice to have some entertainment and one thing led to another. ‘We all live in the county,’ said Bill Kreutzmann, ‘and when I explained what was happening to the other guys it seemed like a nice thing to do.’

“Followers of The Grateful Dead – Deadheads – are the most loyal and fervent group in the world of music. They insist that The Dead are more than music, they are a way of life – an assertion that baffles fans of less complex musical groups. An element in this love affair is the low-key decency and intensely human presence of band members. Crazed pop stars they are not.”

In addition to the picture you used, the article includes several others, including one of Bill Graham taking Garcia for a ride in his motorcycle sidecar and one of Garcia, cigarette in mouth, signing an autograph outside on the deck.

As always, the recording of the show is available on It was definitely a relaxed event.

EDIT: Go listen to this show: it’s spectacularly fun. Listen for Bobby forget to tell the band what the song was, then count off Cassidy anyway, only to have one of the drummers shout “What are we playing?!”

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