Why are you here?
“Why are any of us here? Aren’t we all alone in a clearing, covered by blankets?”
“I think we are.”
You need a new stylist.
“This is my pivot to video.”
I think it’s gonna be about as successful as most organizations’ pivots.
“Look how deep I’m being.”
I don’t see it.
“Like Leo, man. You see that flick? The Ruminant? I’m gonna fuck a bear.”
Good for you, JT.
“People are gonna be into this new look, I promise you.”
“I’m into it.”
“That’s a great scrumptious, Justy.”
“You like her? Just made. Her name is Terrified Horse In The Casino. What about yours?”
“This scrumptious is from the 17th century. Use to belong to Anne Bonny.”
“The pirate queen?”
“The very one. I’m so glad to see you really stepping out with your fashion. After a while, you need to leave the normal clothing behind and go to the special stuff.”
“Thanks, John Boy. But, uh, shh.”
“Oh, it’s okay. We can talk about the secret garments only available to the rich and pretty in front of him.”
“No. Not at all. But no one listens to him.”
“Wow. Everyone listens to us.”
“Our opinions are oddly valued, yeah. Did you see I started an internet trend the other day?”
“The Star Wars thing?”
“Dude? You brought sexy back.”
“Wow. Just…I mean…wow. That means so much coming from you.”
“Right? Cuz I’ve been there, brother. The sexy wants to run away, but you chase that shit down like Dog the Bounty Hunter. Gotta spray that sexy down with mace and let it smoke a cigarette in the SUV on the way to jail. Talk to the sexy about Jesus. And then?”
“Then you bring it back.”
ELABORATE HIGH-FIVING/HALF-HUGGING ROUTINE
“I notice you don’t have a dog, Timber Wolf.”
“Animals pull focus from my face.”