Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: lego

In Which Bobby And Sir Paul, Who Continue To Be Lego, Realize Both The Nature Of Their Predicament, And, In Conversation With A Shark, A Solution Appears

lego beatles big

“How many days is this going to last, Bob?”

“You’re referring to the fact that while jamming with you and Gronk at Fenway Park last week, my compatriots dosed you and me with God-only-knows-what, causing us to translegofy and also meet many guest stars, including Elvis several times?”

“And also spout exposition, apparently.”

“I was just being polite. Sometimes this crap is tough to follow.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Ser Pico–

“Huh?”

“–I think I know a way out of this. But, first: how does my hair look?”

lego bobby77

“Your hair looks like plastic.”

“Sexy plastic?”

“Bob.”

“All right, all right. Keep your crown on, Your Rampantness. Closest I can figure is we found the LD of the emic.”

“What does that mean?”

“We gave reality an overdose. Might have to jam an adrenaline needle in God’s heart.”

“Metaphorically?”

“Hope so.”

“Bob, you’re making no sense.”

“Yes, but I know someone who does. We just gotta find him. Hey! Lefty!”

“You’re not gonna be mean to me, are you?”

lego left shark

“Nah, I just got a question.”

“My wife left me.”

“Sorry to hear that. You seen Katy Perry? More specifically, you seen Doctor Gary?”

“Last I saw him, he was masterminding Katy’s kidnapping.”

“Didn’t that storyline wrap up?”

“Do storylines ever really wrap up?”

“Sure, sure.”

“Excuse me, Bob: what’s happening here?”

“Oh my God! Yoko Ono!”

“Do I have a trailer I can go to, Bob?”

“Better. Much better.”

lego earthroamer

“Is that an Earthroamer, Bob?”

“Close enough.”

In Which Bobby And Sir Paul Reach A New Level Of Friendship, And, Finding That Level Defended, Fulfill Dreams Of Nerds Multitudinous In Varieties

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“Bob, this is simply intolerable.”

“Oh, are we still doing this?”

“What?”

“Nothing. Listen, Ser Pounce–

“Close.”

“–you just have to go with what’s going. It’s what you call a process, right? I mean, you’ve got the event, right? But there’s the simultaneous journey through the event, in fact there are multiple journeys. In the quiet aftermath, we sum up those journeys, discarding the ones that don’t fit the narrative, and label what happened ‘the event.’ But, you know: it’s just people living their lives.”

“Well, that was rather nice, Bob.”

“Yeah, sure. Didn’t think it was gonna be at first, but it turned out all right.”

“Kind of like our friendship, Bob.”

“Uh-huh. We should be best friends.”

“I’d like that so much.”

“How could you do this to me, Bobby!”

lego jimi hendrix

“I thought I was your best friend, Bobby!”

“Aw, Jimi, don’t be this way.”

“You broke Jimi’s heart, baby! I was grateful for our friendship, but now it’s dead, man! You are not groovy!”

“I am so groovy.”

“No, Bobby. You used to be groovy, but you’re a backstabber, man. You’re a jive turkey!”

“Would you say ‘jive turkey?'”

“It didn’t sound right, man.”

“Yeah, no. You have any thoughts, Sir?”

“It jarred the ear a bit. Hey, Jimi!”

“Hi, Yoko.”

“Oh, COME ON! You were dead before John even met her! Bob, I have had enough of this and want to go home immediately.”

“You don’t wanna jam with Jimi and me a little bit?”

“That would be something, huh?”

“That would be an event, yeah.”

“We need a drummer, Bob.”

“I SHALL RULE THE DRUM THRONE WITH AN IRON FIST, WITH MY SON BY MY SIDE.”

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“Nope! I want to go home.”

“YOU WILL GO NOWHERE, YOKO. LET’S TRY DAYTRIPPER.”

“I truly regret becoming a part of this, Bob.”

“You should have heard Anderson Cooper whine.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

In Which Things Deteriorate, And Bobby And Sir Paul (Who Are Still Lego) Encounter Old Friends And New

paul mccartnet lego awful

“Bob, I don’t feel good.”

“Yeah, you look bad. Like a Chinese knockoff of yourself.”

“Would be lovely to be sobering up some time soon.”

“You late for something?”

“No, no. Just like to stop being a Lego. Feeling a bit freaked out.”

“Huh. Mr. ‘Y’know, the Beatles took a lotta acid’ is freaked out? How ’bout that?”

“Really, Bob?”

art pins band lego

“Just a bit of friendly rivalry.”

“Which one are you?”

“In the shorts with the guitar.”

“That doesn’t look anything like you.”

“You’re one to talk, Beatle Hitler.”

“Don’t call me Beatle Hitler, Bob.”

“What’s that on your face, then?”

“Okay, yes, yes: it is a Hitler mustache.”

“There ya go.”

“But please don’t…top right, Bob.”

“Huh?”

“The toppermost fellow to the right. Playing a little keyboard.”

“Sure, sure. I wanna say his name is Victor.”

“His head is on upside-down, Bob.”

“Huh.”

“I want to go home, Bob. Or, at the very least, to the nearest five-star hotel.

“Five? Sure, yeah. This tour, we’re only staying at seven-star hotels. The beds are enormous.”

“Bob.”

“There’s a king bed, but these are called emperors.”

“Bob.”

“It’s the size of the entire room, which is actually not great.”

“I want to go home, Bob.”

“AH’LL RESCUE YOU, YER HIGHNESS!

Elvis-Trooper-Lego

“Bob, am I hallucinating, or is Elvis in a Stormtrooper outfit?”

“Those questions aren’t mutually exclusive.”

“YOKO! HAIRY GARCIA! AH WAS FEELIN’ UNWELL AND DR. NICK ATTENDED TO ME. AH WOKE UP AT COMICON IN SOME DANG WEIRDO SUIT, AND NOW AH AM HERE TO RESCUE YOU AND AH WILL ALSO SHARE MAH PILLS, BECAUSE AH AM THE KING.’

“Stop calling me that.”

“I’m actually not Hairy Garcia. I just look like him now.”

“NO TIME FOR THAT HORSEPUCKY! COME WITH THE KING AND HIDE BEHIND MY KARATE AND NUMBER ONE HITS! AH WILL DEFEND YOU FROM THAT THERE GIANT LION!”

“Giant lion?”

lego katy perry superbowl

“Bob, have you seen John?”

“Oh, hey, Katy Perry. Do you know Elvis?”

“MA’AM.”

“Oh, hey, Elvis. We’ve met. Dr. Nick is Dr. Gary’s brother.”

“That makes sense.”

“Where’s John?”

“Portland.”

“Fly, Kitty Purry!”

THE SOUND OF A LEGO LION FLYING TO OREGON, WHATEVER THAT SOUNDS LIKE

“That was unexpected.”

“Sure.”

More Phosh

jm phish bgca

“I have come to a realization.”

This can’t be good.

“I wanna be in more bands.”

How many more?

“All of them. As part of my musical journey.”

All of you need to stop taking journeys.

“I’m going to join all the bands, and it’s going to be a reality series and an app. It’s gonna be like the early-2000’s again. Mayermania.”

Wow.

“But I’m starting with Phish. I’m gonna be in Phish.

They don’t want you.

“That’s never stopped me from joining a band.”

True, but they don’t have any room for you.

“Things happen. People fall down steps, or off the Grand Canyon. Sometimes people just disappear. You never know what’s going to happen.”

I refuse to even have this conversation with you. When did you start liking Phish?

“What month is it?”

July.

“Yeah.”

And now you want to be in the band?

“I get into stuff, man. When I see something that arouses me, I feel the need to penetrate it.”

Ew.

“Phish has given me a musical boner, and I’m going to shove it in them.”

What are you on?

“I’ve got a shirt-based high. Let’s face it: I’m killing this thing.”

Anything else?

“Couple tabs of whatever Bobby gave me.”

Dammit.

“HEARD YOU’RE LOOKING FOR ME, MEYERS!”

legp phish argyle “YOU TRYING TO TAKE MY PLACE?”

“Why do you have a bullhorn?”

“I DON’T KNOW.”

“Okay.”

“YOU BETTER COP A WALK, BUDDY. THINGS’LL GET NASTY.”

“Yeah!”

“Yeah!”

“Hello, Josh!”

“Hi, Page. Listen, guys: why don’t we just jam once or twice? See what each other is about? And then we can bring in the lawyers and figure out the merch figures. Y’know, we should probably do that before we jam.”

“GO AWAY, JOSH.”

“Yeah!”

“Yeah!”

“Goodbye, Josh!”

THE SOUND OF A LEGO BAND LEAVING IN A HUFF, WHATEVER THAT MAY SOUND LIKE

I don’t think they’re into it, John.

“They’ll come around. Hey, question.”

Shoot.

“Were they Lego?”

Yes.

“This is some good shit.”

That’s what everyone’s saying.

In Which Paul McCartney, Dosed By The Grateful Dead, Turns Into Lego And Is Then Berated By Billy And Mickey (Who Are Also Lego)

The-Beatles-Abbey-Road-version-LEGO-600x365

“Bob?”

“Sure?”

“I must say I’m a bit disappointed with you for dosing me.”

“Well, I didn’t do it.”

“You knew it was happening.”

“Oh, yeah. I didn’t encourage it, though.”

“But you also didn’t stop it.”

“Where’s the bliss in that?”

“Bob?”

lego ded brent

“Yoko?”

“I have warned you about that.”

“Shut the fuck up, limey!”

“You tell him, Billy! Watch your mouth, fuckface!”

“Good one, Mick! I’ll punch your wig in the dick, you talk to Weir that way!”

“Yeah, only we get to talk to Weir that way.”

“Yeah!”

“Yeah!”

“You let your drummers speak?”

“Can’t rightly stop ’em most of the time.”

“Wow. Ringo cleared his throat too loudly once, and Lennon choked him out.”

“Huh.”

“How long will we be Lego?”

“Another post or two.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Weir On Our Way Home

bobby paul mccartney

“Bob, I’m going to ask you a question and I need you to tell me the truth, and also I desperately need you not to call me ‘Yoko’ anymore.”

“Sure, Ozzy.”

“Close enough. And I know you seem to view a conversation as some form of interpretive dance, but I must ask you that be straightforward with me.”

“Yup, okay.”

“Did you dose me?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“I was too specific in me question, wasn’t I?”

“Yup.”

“Have I been dosed?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“And who was it that dosed me?”

“No one dosed you.”

“Who were they that dosed me?”

“Buncha guys.”

“Bob!”

“Well, you know, in their defense: it’s a special occasion. Dead and the Beatles. Portentous.”

“I feel a bit strange, Bob.”

“What do you mean?”

lego paul mccartney

“I can’t truly describe it, but I don’t think I can play me bass like this.”

“You have no nose.”

“How will I smell?”

“Bloomin’ awful.”

“I need you to take this seriously, Bob. Help me. I’m a Beatle, and a Knight and a billionaire. Help me.”

“Yeah, okay. Sure.”

lego bobby shorts

“Better?”

“NO, BOB. NOT BETTER. I meant get me back to being a person, not join me here in toyland.”

“Ah. Well, I seem to recall a little lecture about being straightforward. That’s the pot telling the gander to heal thyself.”

“I actually understood that.”

“Yeah, well: you’re on a shitload of acid.”

“Right, right. How long does this last?”

“The acid or the storyline?”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Lego ‘Land

lego winterland

The lack of a nose isn’t funny until you put the beard on, and then it’s hilarious. Look at Lego Garcia. Look at him.

The future is turning out underwhelming, half-baked, but it allows a guy from Japan to listen to a band from San Francisco, build a diorama of them with toys from Denmark, and post it on a social media site that is also from San Francisco. So, there’s that.

Also:

lego garcia mickey

LOOK AT LEGO GARCIA.

Leggy-O

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Even in the Legoverse, Keith gets cropped out of the picture.

Also, the longer you stare at Lego Garcia, the funnier he gets.

What Is This? A Concert For Ants?

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Preparations for the Farwell Shows are off to a smallish start. In keeping with Dead tradition, however, the above diorama cost half-a-mil.

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