Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: metallica

Mick, Dick, Prick

“Simmer down, Mick.”

“No! I’m gonna fuck this cheesy Danish up!”

“Nice one.”

OR

Billy has completed his transformation into Richard Harris as Marcus Aurelius.

OR

“Shit, Larry, I’m impressed.”

“Lars.”

“It takes two of us to fuck up the time as well as you do all by yourself.”

OR

“Pull my finger.”

“I’m not pulling your fing–”

“I’ll do it, Mick!”

PFFFFFFT

“Windy one.”

“I had Bok Choy for dinner.”

OR

“You owe me money, fucker.”

“I’ve never borrowed money from you, Mickey.”

“I know. I didn’t say that. I bought Lulu. You owe me money.”

OR

“Hey, remember that movie you guys made where the only guy who wasn’t a complete asshole wasn’t in the band anymore?”

A Good Cause (For Outrage)

Yes, of course this is a worthwhile cause, and obviously it’s admirable of Dead & Company to do it–Oteil even canceled a show in New York with his band for this gig–and no one would argue that everyone’s heart isn’t in the right place.

That said, how the unbelievable fuck is Rancid’s name as big as D&C’s? And, yes, I know that their names take up the same amount of space and Rancid has fewer letters in their name so it just appears bigger, but this isn’t about facts: it’s show biz. Or principle. Either one, whichever you like better.

Second question: what is a “G-Eazy” and how does it possibly get the same billing as Metallica? I will now break my sacred vow of Without Research to pin down the identity of this so-called “G,” who flounces about with such “eaze.”

Oh, God, it’s a white rapper. And–what the fucking fuck–his first album came out in 2014 and didn’t even go gold.

This cannot stand. I object on behalf of the Grateful Dead community, and also the community of people who liked the first three Metallica records. I object in the name of Dave Matthews’ cargo shorts. This here is some LiveNation bullshit and none of you should take it lying down.

Thanks, Obama.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

bobby-jason-newsted-sweetwater-jpg

Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?

“Lunch.”

One of the three best meals of the day.

“Can’t knock it. Not as heavy as dinner. Plus there’s, you know, no food restrictions. Breakfast has all these rules.”

What if you want a nice piece of fish?

“That’s what I’m saying. Maybe I want pasta first thing in the morning. Shouldn’t get guff for it.”

Pasta for breakfast is not a good idea, though.

“It was just an example.”

You know who that is at the other table, right?

“The white guy?”

They’re all white guys, Bobby.

“No.”

Jason Newsted.

“Good for him.”

From Metallica.

“Oh, yeah. Okay. Metallica. They play that heavy mental music. ‘DADADADADA grrrrr Satan Satan Satan.’ That kind of stuff, right?”

That’s about it, yeah.

“Huh. They still together? Touring?”

Metallica is still together and touring, yes, but Jason is not in the band.

“I don’t understand.”

He quit.

“Well, I don’t know about that. Huh. No, I don’t know about that. You don’t quit your band. I’m still in every band I’ve ever joined. No, no, I just don’t know about that at all. I got fired and didn’t even leave my band. You stay in your band, man.”

I’m with you on that one.

“Why’d he quit?”

Wanted to do solo stuff, I guess.

“So you hire Billy Cobham, call up your buddy with the harmonica, have a Star Trek actor write some lyrics, and book some studio time. You don’t have to leave the band.”

There were also personal issues.

“Billy tried to murder every member of the band except Garcia on multiple occasions. You don’t leave the band.”

Sure, but–

“You don’t leave the band.”

“No, fuck this. I’m 86’ing him.”

I support your decision.

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