• “Let’s limit the ‘Asian men have small dicks’ jokes to one a page, please.”
  • “The Vietnam War did not end in a tie.”
  • “Neither did the Civil War.”
  • “If you have no evidence to back up your assertion that Hillary Clinton eats her own vaginal discharge in front of her staff, then we cannot print it.”
  • “An entire chapter on how much you hate ugly people is unnecessary.”
  • “‘I suck black cock, so I can’t be racist,’ is not an argument; it is merely two assertions, only one of which is provable and no we are not including a picture of you sucking black cock.”
  • “Not only are all Mexicans¬†not illiterate, but the country has a long tradition of literary excellence.”
  • “Abraham Lincoln was not a cuck.”
  • “Five pages is a bit much for a description of your skin-care regimen, to say nothing of the two chapters on entitled Shampooing and Conditioning.”
  • “What does the phrase ‘Climate Change is for fags’ even mean?”
  • “Everyone knows what you’re doing when you describe Obama’s economic policies as ‘niggardly.'”
  • “Who taught you how to use a semi-colon?”
  • “Phrenology is not a real science.”
  • “You may not refer to transgenders as ‘shims.'”
  • “Being banned from Twitter is in no way comparable to anything Anne Frank went through; please choose a different analogy.”
  • “Ronald Reagan did NOT end the Cold War by ‘fucking Russia in her sloppy ice-pussy until she cried Uncle Sam.'”
  • “There is no need to point out that Kissinger is Jewish every time you reference him.”

I’m not making this shit up, man.