Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: precarious lee (page 1 of 8)

I’d Like To Eyes Of The World A Coke

“Yo.”

Precar–oh, you’re already here.

“It’s load-bearing.”

The Coke cup?

“Yeah.”

How?

“We managed.”

Monitors look nice.

“Well, we considered the aesthetics.”

And?

“And then we said, ‘Fuck it,’ and left ’em unpainted.”

Sure. You were joking about the Coke cup, right?

“Shit, no. You move that and we all die.”

Makes sense.

Have A Safe Trip

Precarious?

“Yo.”

Were you trying to kill them?

“Who?”

The band.

“Eh.”

I can’t even begin to count the safety violations in this picture.

“Ah, they’ll be fine. Big babies. I wrapped the cable around the mic stand.”

You honestly think that counts.

“I do.”

Is that plank of wood attached to anything?

“Attachment leads to suffering.”

Wow.

Keith’s Left, Keith’s Right, He’s Gone

Precarious?

“Yo.”

Why did Keith’s piano move from one side of the stage to the other, depending on what show it was?

“Two reasons.”

Were they shits and giggles?

“Little bit, yeah.”

Why would you do that?

“Gotta find your fun somewhere. We’d put his piano stage left for a few shows, then shift it to the other side, and he’d get so confused. One time, he just sat on a road case and started playing a monitor.”

That is kinda funny.

“Yup. He kept tweaking Bobby’s nipples trying to turn himself up.”

That’s damn funny.

“Certainly was.”

We Were Having A Thigh Time

These men got groupies.

OR

Younger Enthusiast, this cannot be explained away by invoking “it was the fashion of the time.” When the Dead wore rainbow trousers and fringed jackets and frilled shirts: well, it was the 60’s. That was what hip young men wore to attract groovy young ladies. But this bullshit? This bullshit right here? This bullshit was not the fashion of the time. This bullshit was not the fashion of any time in human history.

OR

It is rare, exceedingly so, that Bobby’s short shorts are the most acceptable pant on stage: if a bit risqué, they are still basic and classic jean shorts. Whereas Phil is wearing sky-blue velour and holy fucking shit there are cuffs on Garcia’s.

OR

None of their shoes are helping, either.

OR

If Phil sits down, his balls are escaping. That’s a fact.

OR

Precarious?

“Yo.”

Is Brent’s monitor on an end table?

“Yup.”

Why?

“Coffee table was too low.”

Sure.

Singing A Lullaby Beside The Waterslide

Precarious?

“Yo.”

It’s supposed to be Spinal Tap, then Puppet Show.

“The water slide?”

There was no other place to set up the stage?

“Honest?”

Please.

“Boys were a little full of themselves this tour.”

This would knock anyone’s ego onto the floor, I guess.

“Eh. You never met Mickey.”

True.

Ready, Set-Up, Go

Precarious?

“Yo.”

Why?

“Which part?”

All of it.

“Drummers wanted to be up front.”

Why did you let them?

“Why would I care? They wanna set up in the bathroom, I’ll set ’em up in the bathroom.”

What about Phil?

“What about him?”

Why is he all the way in the back?

“He was feeling anti-social today.”

Sure. Precarious?

“Yeah?”

Is there any security at all?

“Now there is. Shitloads of it.”

What about in 1970 when the picture was taken?

“Yeah, no. No security at all. Concept didn’t exist. You hoped that the kids were too fucked up to riot, and the road crew punched stagehoppers. That was it.”

The good old days.

“The old days.”

A Giant In His Field

I’m stunned.

“Yo.”

Precari…oh, there you are. I assume you’re responsible for this.

“I was part of a team.”

Great. I have many questions.

“Shoot.”

Gonna start generally, and then move clockwise starting at the dude in the MAGA hat.

“Yup.”

Why are the musicians in this arrangement?

“Intra-band politics and intra-crew apathy.”

Why is there a dude in a MAGA hat?

“Some of your time bullshit? I dunno. Fuck him.”

Is Li’l Orphan Annie okay?

“In the middle?”

Yeah.

“Seems fine.”

Okay, how about the teetering tower of heavy bullshit on the right?

“Started stacking shit and just kinda got into it.”

Is it gonna fall?

“Nah.”

Is the balancing act in the middle gonna fall?

“Nah. Wait. Maybe.”

Is any cable taped down?

“No.”

Is every fusebox open?

“Yup.”

Did you forget Phil at the hotel?

“Nah. There he is.”

Oh, okay.

“Funny story, though: we forgot Phil at the hotel.”

Really?

“Uh-huh. This is Giants Stadium in ’78, right?”

Yeah.

“Yeah, we forgot Phil at the hotel. There’s a Sheraton or whatever right near the stadium, just across the parking lot. So, we all take the van over at two o’clock or whatever, but Phil was in the pool and got left behind.”

The pool?

“Phil liked drinking in swimming pools.”

That’s a terrible idea.

“Just beers.”

Still.

“Anyway, he gets out and dries off. We’re all gone. He’s running through the lobby naked screaming about betrayal.”

Naked?

“Phil skinny-dipped.”

Of course he did.

“Security tackles him a little, but he’s all juiced up and using Nude Fu.”

Nude Fu?

“No guy wants to fight a naked guy, right?”

Correct.

“So, if you’re in a situation where you’re the naked guy: use that to your advantage. Lead with your cock. Employ your buttcheeks. Turn the negative into a positive.”

Nude Fu.

“Anyway, they calmed him down and got him in some clothes. But now it’s like 3 or 3:30 and the lot’s getting pretty full of kids. Took him two hours to walk half-a-mile. Guy was getting assaulted with blowjobs.”

Why didn’t you just send the van back for him?

“Not as funny.”

Sure. Precarious?

“Yup?”

Why does Keith’s piano have a heat shield?

“To survive reentry.”

I love our talks.

The Shock Of Genius

My God. It’s beautiful. Precarious?

“Yo.”

Did you do that?

“The inverted pyramid of gear?”

Yes.

“Yeah.”

It’s your masterpiece.

“Sometime, ya gotta challenge yourself.”

Magnificent.

They Want To Lead The Glamorous Life

Precarious?

“Yo.”

Do I want to know what’s in the sack?

“No.”

Is it–

“Not a human.”

–a human? Okay.

“Just let this one go, boss.”

It’s gonna be tough.

“Suck it up.”

Mickey’s raccoons?

“Let it go.”

Fine.

The Monitor And The Merriweather

Jesus. Precarious?

“Yo.”

What the fuck, man?

“Wally wanted a little brother, so I built him the Wall of Monitors.”

It’s just so aggressive.

“It’s a bit of a bulwark.”

And what are they propped up on?

“Bunch of hotel Bibles we stole and taped together.”

Sure.

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