Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: taylor swift (page 2 of 2)

Ryan Adams’ Next Career Moves

  • Track-by-track cover of Katy Perry’s last album, which Pitchfork gives a 9.3.
  • Note-for-note cover of Yummy Yummy Yummy by the 1910 Fruitgum Company Ohio Express, which merits five interviews in Grantland.
  • Copies out the April ’12 issue of Spin longhand; Spin reprints it in its entirety.
  • Finally gives in and covers Summer of ’69, but with an acoustic guitar!
  • He really makes the song his own!
  • And by “his own,” I mean it sounds like something Paul Westerberg left off one of his later solo albums.
  • Has his good buddy Ed Sheeran over to the house, breaks out the acoustic guitars, and goes utterly HOUSE on an ASAP Rocky track.
  • Nicki Minaj cover, but Ryan changes all the pronouns so now the song is about a guy who only blows cocaine dealers: Rolling Stone gives it 5 stars.
  • Shot-by-shot remake of the Bad Blood video, except Ryan Adams can’t get stars to do cameos, so he plays all the parts; Sasha Frere-Jones writes a ten-thousand word article about how everything he knew was wrong up until the moment he saw this video.
  • Cuts out the middle-man and just covers the last decade of McDonald’s jingles; the New York Times calls it “a masterpiece” and then denies ever employing Judith Miller.

Bad Blood, Worse Idea

You can stream Ryan Adams’ new record, which is a track-for-track cover of Taylor Swift’s 1989, today; I’m going to get to it just as soon as I finish streaming the Dead’s box set.

So…February? March?

To be safe, let’s call it never.

This Year’s Model

john mayer douche clothesWhy are you wearing all of your clothes at once?

“I’m a cowboy.”

No, you can’t think you’re a cowboy. Bobby thinks he’s a cowboy. That’s his thing.

“Wow, man: what a hater you are. Not even gonna congratulate me?”

Did you buy a new watch?

“On the gig.”

Good for you. You practicing?

“Oh, yeah. Nothing but. Listening to shows and playing guitar and reading Hitler’s speeches.”

Sure. What?

“It is worth learning German. Lot of nuance in his arguments that just get boiled down to “the Jews did it.'”

This is weird stuff coming from you, John Mayer.

“It is weird that in this actual interview you’re doing with me, rock and comedy’s John Mayer, I’m expressing these kind of fringe and offensive opnions, but: there you go. Also: Team Cosby.”

This is so strange, you must admit.

“I also must admit to drifting from town to town in the suburban summer nights, hopping fences and shitting in pools.”

You monster! Poor children need public pools!

“I need to do it! For my boners!”

Wait. You mean–

“Yes: John Mayer can only achieve an erection by taking a dump in someone else’s pool. Preferably off the diving board, but I’m not picky.”

Does Katy know about this?

“Oh, yeah. She’s into pool-play now.”


“She hates that Taylor Swift, y’know.”

I heard.

“I banged that Taylor Swift, y’know.”


“Fucked her so hard a song popped out.”


“You wanna see my Confederate Flag tattoo? The stars are swastikas.”

OKAY. That’s enough.


Leave Nothing For The Taylor

It’s enough with the Taylor Swift already: every song centers around her “brand;” they’re all about the travails of being an incredibly attractive white lady who enjoys (but is bad at) dating.

Can you imagine if the Dead did that? If every one of their songs were a drug-soaked mash-up of Americana and Jesus parables? Can you imagine?

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