INT: PASTICHE RECORDS – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
EXECUTIVES of the company sit around the TABLE. A large man NAKED EXCEPT FOR A LEATHER BLAZER stands atop the table DOING LINES OFF THE LIGHT FIXTURE.
The president of the company, NOODLES BRAUNSHWEIGER, enters the room. He is played by TIM ALLEN IN A WIG.
We’re losing money!
ANDY WARHOL is there for some reason. He is played by PETER SERAFINOWICZ IN A WIG.
I hear that the Grateful Dead needs a new record
contract. Maybe you should talk to them.
MACHO is STOPPED DEAD by Warhol’s statement. Then he DOES ANOTHER LINE. Then he is STOPPED DEAD AGAIN.
That’s it! Legendary artist Andy Warhol is right! The Dead!
Just let me go have some scenes with my wife and I’ll go sign ’em!
MACHO jumps off the table and LEAVES THE ROOM.
Then he RE-ENTERS THE ROOM and STABS NOODLES and GETS AWAY WITH IT BECAUSE ROCK AND ROLL.
INT: MADISON SQUARE GARDEN – NIGHT
MACHO is standing IN THE WINGS as the DEAD PLAYS. There are MANY SHOTS of NOODLE DANCING and people HITTING JOINTS IN SLOW-MOTION. As Macho LOOKS AROUND, he is STOPPED DEAD by the POWER OF ROCK AND ROLL OR SOMETHING.
There is a BALD MAN standing next to Macho.
(to the bald man)
Man! That’s some jamming right there! Woo! I can’t
believe they’re playing Dark Star! In MSG!
Of course they’re playing Dark Star in MSG! They play it
at every show, just like your average viewer would assume.
Right, and it’s not like there’s any way to find out what the
Dead played on any particular night.
Lost to history and easily shuffled to fit the whims of the
Exactly! Hey, aren’t you Cli–
NO! No, no: I’m Jive Mavis from Barista Records.
JIVE MAVIS is played by MICK JAGGER’S GARDENER IN A BALD CAP.
Are you here to sign the Grateful Dead, too?
Looks like I got some competition! Luckily, there’s
nothing more interesting than a white guy with work
Macho SHOVES HIS HEAD INTO A GARBAGE BAG FULL OF COCAINE, then STABS Jive Davis.
ONSTAGE – CONTINUOUS
The Dead plays.
I thought this show was about the music.
Music, music business. What’s the difference?
Well, you know: quite a bit, Jer.
Yeah, Bob. I was making a point.
Bobby, aren’t you producing this?
Yeah, but it turns out I have no idea what a TV producer does
Huh, yeah: me, either.
Behind them, Keith Moon DRIVES A CAR INTO A POOL.