Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Take Your Hands And Everything Else Out Of Your Pockets

You love your new hat.

“It’s nifty, as far as hats go. Let’s not go directly to ‘love.’ I’m wearing it at the moment.”

The Dead was not a hat-friendly band.

“No, we were head-friendly.”

I see what you did there.

“I get one in now and then.”

How much stuff is in your jacket pocket? Sucker’s about to rip free.

“Huh. Yeah, kinda packed in there. Let’s see. Fob for the Tesla.”

How’s it going with that thing?

“Car keeps texting me death threats.”

You need to take it in to get serviced, Bobby.

“Probably. I got more stuff. Vape pen. Backup vape pen. Eddie Rabbitt’s foot.”


“Long story. Uh, there’s my house keys. Two grand in hundreds. Garcia’s stash.”

You’re still carrying that around?

“Never know. Billy’s stash.”

What’s Billy’s stash?

“Copy of Swank from June ’91 and a hotel-sized shampoo bottle full of GHB.”

Sounds right.

“Here’s a fan letter from a kid named Pickle. Dunno how that got in there.”


“Pocket Constitution.”

I approve.

“33,000 e-mails.”

So that’s where Hillary put them!

“And a tupperware container half-full of cole slaw. High-end stuff. Chutney in it.”

What happened to your fanny pack?

“Oh, it’s in my jacket pocket, too.”

Have a good show, Bobby.

“You bet.”

1 Comment

  1. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    August 3, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    mmm… I guess Bob looks okay from the side with that hat. From the front…

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