You love your new hat.
“It’s nifty, as far as hats go. Let’s not go directly to ‘love.’ I’m wearing it at the moment.”
The Dead was not a hat-friendly band.
“No, we were head-friendly.”
I see what you did there.
“I get one in now and then.”
How much stuff is in your jacket pocket? Sucker’s about to rip free.
“Huh. Yeah, kinda packed in there. Let’s see. Fob for the Tesla.”
How’s it going with that thing?
“Car keeps texting me death threats.”
You need to take it in to get serviced, Bobby.
“Probably. I got more stuff. Vape pen. Backup vape pen. Eddie Rabbitt’s foot.”
“Long story. Uh, there’s my house keys. Two grand in hundreds. Garcia’s stash.”
You’re still carrying that around?
“Never know. Billy’s stash.”
What’s Billy’s stash?
“Copy of Swank from June ’91 and a hotel-sized shampoo bottle full of GHB.”
“Here’s a fan letter from a kid named Pickle. Dunno how that got in there.”
So that’s where Hillary put them!
“And a tupperware container half-full of cole slaw. High-end stuff. Chutney in it.”
What happened to your fanny pack?
“Oh, it’s in my jacket pocket, too.”
Have a good show, Bobby.