Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Taylor Swift Is Not Jewish

Taylor Swift is not Jewish. I know that little skitch published on Medium is a joke, but it’s not funny. We have enough problems without T-Swizzle and her salty thirst or thirsty saltiness, or whatever the teens are texting one another lately.

In fact, not only is Taylor Swift not Jewish, she’s incredibly not Jewish. Here are some things that are more Jewish than Taylor Swift:

  • A pig.
  • Foreskins.
  • Potluck dinners.
  • Garcia.
  • Whatever the fuck that rhubarb bullshit is that Garrison Keillor’s always harmonizing about is. (On the other hand, listening to Garrison Keillor is very Jewish.)
  • R.O.T.C.
  • The Belgian national anthem. (It is entitled “Hi, We’re Belgium; Thanks for Inviting Us.”)
  • Rodeos. (Some horse-related bullshit is Jewish–betting on them, or buying one for your daughter–but rodeos are one of the least Semitic gatherings.)
  • Never-Ending Shrimp Week at Red Lobster.
  • Retiring to Central Florida.
  • The new Dodge Challenger. (Hands down the least Jewish car on the road today.)
  • The Left Behind series of books.
  • Cricket. (Eating or playing.)
  • Denali National Park. (Denali is the least Jewish Park. Most Jewish is Death Valley, because a dry heat is the Jewishest of all possible weathers.)
  • Katy Perry.


  1. Back in the 80s–I am not making this up, no matter what anyone thinks–crazed East Coast Deadheads would tell me that Jerry was actually Jewish. Something along the lines of being one of those secret converted Spanish Jews who turned up in New Mexico, but only in an ill-educated spent-too-much-time-in-bars-Queens kind of way.

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