“We should have more bites this year than last,” George Burgess, director of the International Shark Attack File at the University of Florida, said in an interview shortly before the Memorial Day holiday weekend that signals the unofficial start of America’s summer vacation – and beach – season.

In 2015, there were 98 shark attacks, including six fatalities, according to Burgess.

Summer is coming, and with it comes the possibility of being eaten by a shark. After all, 98 people does seem like a lot–I don’t have 98 contacts in my phone–so I am choosing to be very afraid. Shark attacks are America’s number three summertime killer, right after weed-whacker disembowelment and being run over by a drunken aunt at a barbecue; your only weapon may be what you learn here. I know we like to goof and gab and have our funsies, but this a dead-serious topic and I implore you to pay attention, and also buy a sticker.

In the interest of public safety TotD now presents What To Do If You’re Attacked By A Shark:

  • Try to taste bad.

This has been: What To Do If You’re Attacked By A Shark.