“Happy Christmas, darling!”

Same to you, Freddie.

“Would you like to jingle my bells?”

No.

“I’ll stuff your stocking.”

I bet you would. No, thank you.

“FIIIIIIVE GOLDEN–”

Please don’t say–

“–COCK RINGS.”

–cock rings.

“Ciggy?”

Oh, sure. Here.

kk-CHICK

“PHWOOOO. Thank you, love.”

You’re welcome. Freddie, I gotta be honest: this is the worst Christmas I’ve ever spent with a British glam rocker.

“Oh?’

Okay, second worst.

“I thought so, darling.”