bobby white suit

Dammit, Bobby: put your feet away.

OR

In honor of the King, Bobby performed one of Elvis’ favorite tricks: dry-swallowing a champagne glass full of assorted pills in one gulp. Bobby had never attempted to do this before; he just assumed he would be able to. Obviously, a Heimlich situation arose.

OR

Phil showed up at the gig as Priscilla: big beehive hairdo, mini-dress, the whole thing. Everyone was a little weirded out by the whole thing, especially when Phil had that affair with the karate instructor. Phil was asked to change costumes; he went to the show as a spooky ghost.

OR

Bobby had avoided the shower for ten days prior and informed everyone he met that he was not Elvis, he was “Smellvis,” and no matter how clever the concept, at the end of the day Bobby was just a stinky dude in a jumpsuit.

OR

If you were barefoot in Elvis’ presence, he would call you a hippie and fuck you up with karate.