Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

That’s Mayor Rando To You

What is this?

“I got the, uh, key to the city of San Antonio.”

Wow. Congratulations, Bobby.

“Yeah. Real nice. Lemme ask you something.”

It doesn’t open every door in San Antonio.

“Ah. What about cars?”

It will not start any car in San Antonio. The key to the city is entirely symbolic. It comes from when cities had walls. You would give a visiting dignitary the key to show that he wasn’t being held hostage.

“I don’t think the mayor is gonna kidnap me.”

You seem more baffled than usual.

“I can’t think in pants.”

Oh, no, not pants.

“Yeah, look.”


Those are pants.

“It’s like my ankles are in jail.”


“More key to the city questions.”


“Can I commit crime?”



Key to the city grants you immunity up to aggravated assault. You could mug someone or drive drunk.

“Huh. Good to know. Is it only good for San Antonio?”

Key to the city, Bobby.

“Just checking. is there a keyring to the city?”


“That’s a bit thoughtless.”


(EDIT: It has been pointed out that Bobby is receiving the key to Austin, not San Antonio. The Management’s stance is that the misidentification  was an intentional joke based upon the premise “Bobby doesn’t know where he is,” instead of a sloppy mistake by the dumbass writing it.)


  1. Austin but it’s all the same

  2. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    April 17, 2017 at 10:42 am

    …San Antone, San Antone, prettiest wimmen I’ve ever known…

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