Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

The 25 Principles Of Childish Behavior

  1. Immediate gratification is your right as a child of God.
  2. Always have a scapegoat in mind.
  3. If they’re not trying to get you now, they soon will be; beat them to the punch.
  4. Beat them; punch them.
  5. Don’t think about money, just make it.
  6. Defenestrate ambidextrists.
  7. Moralize about others; rationalize about yourself.
  8. Steal dogs.
  9. If you can learn to forgive yourself, you’ll never need to apologize.
  10. Yell at facts if they won’t do what you want.
  11. Wait for inspiration.
  12. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man can get away with anything (as long as he’s quiet).
  13. There’s an enormous spectrum in between the absolute truth and an utter lie, and you have to find out where you’re comfortable residing within that spectrum.
  14. Question motives.
  15. Suspect allegiances.
  16. Good manners can be a weapon.
  17. People love it when you give them nicknames.
  18. Demand credit for changing your mind.
  19. There are many in the world with problems far greater than your own, but fuck them.
  20. Transcend humility.
  21. Remember that money fixes everything.
  22. Feign dignity.
  23. Live like Bono’s watching.
  24. Pretend you’re a wizard sometimes.
  25. Insist.

After these more helpful words, obviously.


  1. Meryl Shakedown Streep

    February 13, 2018 at 5:58 pm

    Facts are lazy and facts are late.

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