Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

The Ballad Of John Perry Barlow (A Cowboy Song)

jpb famOh, John Perry Barlow
Grew up in Wyoming,
with six-guns a-blazing,
and buffalo roaming.

He ropes all the cattle,
he branded a calf.
He once fucked a mountain,
and split it in half.

JOOOOOOOHN Perry BAARRRRRRlow.

Oh, John Perry Barlow
was drinking in town.
They’d set whiskey up,
and he’d knock whiskey down.

From the west of the valley
rode a dozen bad men.
Black Bart (who was white)

and his gang rode again!

JOOOOOOOOHN Perry BARRRRRRlow.

“Lay down your guns,
and give up your gold!
Then bring us some whiskey,
and boobies to hold!”

They kicked an old whore,
and punched the town drunk.
They were mean and low-down,
and Lord how they stunk.

JOOOOOOOOHN Perry BARRRRRRlow.

Oh, John Perry Barlow,
he drank back his glass,
then he stepped from the bar
and began to whomp ass.

He shot ol’ Black Bart,
and he shot Purple Larry.
and Burgundy Al,
and the new guy named Barry.

JOOOOOOOOHN Perry BARRRRRRlow.

The bullets stopped whizzing,
the blood stopped a-streaming.
Just one bad man was left:

he was runnin and screamin’.

“I’m a man of compassion!
I’ll let that one go!”
He had run out of bullets,
but who had to know?

JOOOOOOOOHN Perry BARRRRRRlow.

JOOOOOOOOHN Perry BARRRRRRlow.

5 Comments

  1. this scared me when i first saw it — what with jpb’s recent health “challenges,” i thought the post was a tribute, and that barlow was lining up to talk with bobby’s sister for another book….phew!

  2. Brilliant!

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