Sure, there’s nothing like a Grateful Dead concert, but maybe you’re like me, Enthusiasts: unable to focus, twitchy of hand and eye, ruined by the present’s pace. I always need something to do while I’m doing something.
Some people going to Santa Clara must be reading this, along with others bound for Chicago – would you like to play a game?
1 point – Candid picture of Benjy.
5 points – Candid picture of Benjy not wearing his Benjy costume.
10 points – If, like in the picture above, you see Benjy and you’ve got the high ground, and then you fling yourself at him and take a picture of his terrified gawp right before you laid him out? That is worth ten points.
20 points – The hat. And you have to snatch it off him and then run into the crowd shrieking in delight with innocent and cruel joy. Five bonus points for making Benjy chase you.
25 points – Stealing Benjy’s wallet.
30 points – Using the information in Benjy’s wallet to steal his identity and purchase a Ukrainian mail-order bride.
35 points – Framing Benjy for the murder of said Ukrainian mail-order bride.
40 points – Taser. (Must be video evidence.)
Contest runs from now until the last Chicago show; participant with the most points will almost definitely go to jail, as most of these things are felonies at the very least.