Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

The Continuing Adventures Of A Dead Lion

Cecil Lion’s brother, Jericho, has been reported dead. Just a week after Cecil was brutally killed by American dentist Walter Palmer, his brother has apparently also been killed.

Cecil’s sister Brittany is fine, and living in Santa Fe.

Cecil’s son, Alfredo, just got a promotion to Chef du Cuisine at the Ethiopian place on 3rd he works at, and Cecil would be proud as hell if he had not been killed by a dentist.

Cecil’s half-brother, Skippy, is up for parole from the San Diego Zoo next year, but at this point he’s become institutionalized and likes it there. He has taken up surfing and won’t stop talking about how much he loves Mexican food.

Cecil’s cousin Harold recently announced that he had always been a tiger and was now transitioning into his new life as a tiger and would appreciate being called by his tiger name, Howard.

Cecil’s aunt, Phyllis, recently released a diss track about Meek Mill.

Cecil’s babysitter from when he was a cub, Marcia, was shot by an orthodontist last month and everyone was like, “Oh, this is the most pointless death ever!” and weren’t they surprised.

Cecil’s friend from work, Jeffy, fell in with some hyenas and huffs a lot of paint now.

10 Comments

  1. what the fuck is a Meek Mill and what is a diss track. what

  2. journalism at its finest

  3. Wow, good job CNN

  4. RationalExpressions

    August 2, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    “Cecil’s cousin Harold recently announced that he had always been a tiger and was now transitioning into his new life as a tiger and would appreciate being called by his tiger name, Howard.””
    ^^^ This is why I’m addicted to your blog and keep coming back despite the comment section inanities. You, sir, are the best comic writer in America right now.

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