• Murdering Vince Foster, with the lead pipe, in the Lincoln Bedroom.
  • Forwarding her e-mail directly to the Chinese, who are Communists, or the Russians, who used to be.
  • Letting GoDaddy host her office server.
  • Loitering.
  • Loitering with intent.
  • Loitering with intent and purpose. (That’s when you’re, like, really loitering.)
  • If there is traffic, Hillary Clinton will sometimes kick her driver in the back of his neck with her pointy lady-shoes.
  • Used to menstruate, which makes her unclean.
  • No longer menstruates, which makes her useless.
  • The Lufthansa heist.
  • Whitewater. (Remember Whitewater? Ever think you’d be nostalgic for it? Seriously: fuck everything about 2016.)
  • Personally flying to Benghazi, donning a ninja outfit, and killing four Americans with her bare hands and some throwing stars.
  • Being a Libtard.
  • Being a Closet Republican.
  • Being a Fascist.
  • Being an Globalist.
  • Being an Anarcho-Syndicalist. (That’s not true: no one has accused Hillary Clinton of that, although maybe we should.)
  • Christmas of ’83, Hillary cold-cocked four moms in the Toys ‘R Us getting a Cabbage Patch Kid for Chelsea.
  • Impersonating a juror.
  • So much arson.