Officials in at least four countries have privately discussed ways they can manipulate Jared Kushner, the president’s son-in-law and senior adviser, by taking advantage of his complex business arrangements, financial difficulties and lack of foreign policy experience, according to current and former U.S. officials familiar with intelligence reports on the matter.

Among those nations discussing ways to influence Kushner to their advantage were the United Arab Emirates, China, Israel and Mexico, the current and former officials said – “Kushner’s overseas contacts raise concerns as foreign officials seek leverage” Washington Post, 2/27/18

Were he not a bloodless sex doll made for gay men with horrible taste in sex dolls, Jared Kushner might be pitiable. I know that I’m a moron, and so does my family; you’re aware, too. But my stupidity is not now being discussed at the top levels of several world governments. Can you imagine that? Meetings–danish and coffee!–where the only item on the agenda is what a putz you are? THREE DAMN CONTINENTS worth of powerful people assembling for the sole purpose of dissecting your slow-witted nature in order to take advantage of it. That’s gotta hurt.

On the other hand: fuck him.

Officials in the White House were concerned that Kushner was “naive and being tricked” in conversations with foreign officials, some of whom said they wanted to deal only with Kushner directly and not more experienced personnel, said one former White House official.

“White House.”

“Um, hi, is Jared there?”

“He’s busy right now. Who may I say is calling?”

“No one. Don’t worry about it. We’ll call back.”

“China, is that you?”

“No. Probably Israel.”

“I know your voice, China.”

“That’s racist.”

“Why do you want to talk to Jared?”

“Shoot the shit. Jared’s cool.”

“He’s not.”

“Jared’s the tits, man.”

And so on.

“We will not respond substantively to unnamed sources peddling second-hand hearsay with rank speculation that continue to leak inaccurate information,” said Peter Mirijanian, a spokesman for Kushner’s lawyer.

If you’re a lawyer, don’t take this the wrong way, but all of you need to be crucified. Or maybe impaled or burned at the stake. Something lasting, so you have time to think about your sins. Like William Shakespeare said, “First thing we do is skin the lawyers, then the second thing we do is braid whips from their skin, and then third we lash the lawyers to death with the whips we made from their own skin.” (I’m paraphrasing.)

Foreign governments routinely discuss ways they can influence senior officials in all administrations. “Every country will seek to find their point of leverage,” said one person familiar with intelligence intercepts of foreign officials discussing Kushner.

This is not new. Frankly, if an organization wasn’t treating a rival this way, it should be accused of malfeasance. Looking for weak links is a human endeavor. Which is why, generally, we don’t allow White House staff to be a billion dollars in debt. One would think that would be a question on the application.

“Are you a billion dollars in debt?”

“If yes, is this debt in the incredibly public shape of an enormous building on the most famous street in the most famous city in the world?”

“If yes, please discuss your daddy issues. You may use additional sheets of paper.”

In 2016, Kushner was simultaneously running his family business, Kushner Cos., and helping to oversee Trump’s campaign. One of his top business concerns was what to do with his family’s investment in 666 Fifth Ave. in New York, which the company bought under his direction for $1.8 billion in 2007, the highest price paid at the time for a U.S. office tower. The purchase became troubled as the Great Recession hit, and Kushner refinanced it, leaving the company with a $1.2 billion debt that comes due in January 2019.

The address is 666 because we’re living in a novel you would have thrown across the room five chapters ago.

Questions have also been raised about whether Kushner discussed financing with a Russian banker. He met in December 2016 with Sergey Gorkov, the top executive of Vnesheconombank. The bank has said they talked about “promising business lines and sectors,” but Kushner told Congress that the meeting did not involve any discussion about his family’s company.

“Now, let me see if I understand you, Mr. Kushner. You met with Mr. Gorkov.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Who is the boss of Vnesheconombank, which is a Russian bank with strong ties to Vladimir Putin’s regime?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And you didn’t discuss business?

“No, sir.”

“What did you discuss?”

“Senator, can we take a five minute bathroom break?”

“I suppose.”


“He ain’t coming back, is he?”