“Forget about the little shit,” Trump said, according to multiple sources in the room. “Let’s focus on the big picture here.” Politico, 3/24/17

Yes, I know the Recounting is for today’s events, and yes I know that I linked to this incredible article yesterday, and yes yes yes. I don’t care about the rules: I cannot get the above quote out of my head. If you don’t want to read the article–and you must–then let me set the scene.

Donald Trump, who is getting noticeably fatter every day, was meeting with the Freedom Caucus on Thursday afternoon in the Cabinet Room of the White House. It’s him and his crew–Bannon and Miller and Salacious Crumb–and about 30 Republicans around an enormous table.

This is what it looks like:

(You didn’t think I was going to use a picture of Turnip, did you? Come on, man. We can talk about him, but we don’t have to look at him.)

So, that’s what we’re dealing with. Look how serious that room is. Washington’s in a fucking toga; if this were a restaurant, it would not serve chicken fingers. The Cabinet Room does not giggle when someone says the number 69 or talks about the planet Uranus.

It looks just like this-except, obviously, every single person in the room was a white man–and you are a serious person discussing serious matters in a serious room: you are, in fact, discussing healthcare. It is one-fifth of America’s economy, and the President of the United States leans forward on his elbows, squinches up his eyes and splays his fingers out in boredom.

“Forget about the little shit.”

Here’s the question I need answered: could you hear the assholes pucker? When I read that article, my sphincter slammed shut with an audible crack like an iceberg calving off, so I have to figure that if you were in the Cabinet Room you could hear those men’s involuntary anal response to that statement.



“Arteries, shmarteries. I’m gonna get in there and see what happens.”


“The individual pipes will take care of themselves. The sewer is just wonderful. Better than Sweden’s.”

Flight controller

“The planes get here when they get here. The real problem is that they’re carrying terrorists.”

Second violinist for the Cleveland Pops

“Don’t worry about the notes. I know the tune, great tune.”

This has been the 65th day of our national nightmare; may we wake soon.