Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

The Daily Recounting 3/5/17

The Federal Bureau of Investigations was founded in 1908; the Department of Justice was created by Ulysses S. Grant in 1870. (You thought they were in the Constitution, didn’t you?) The FBI are basically national cops; they investigate crime. The DoJ is basically the national DA’s office; they prosecute the offenders. This is their story from today.

The FBI is led by a guy named James Comey, whom you may recall won raves for his portrayal of “The Loosest Cannon In The World” during the election; he sent a confusing, absurd, unprecedented, and roundly criticized letter to Congress regarding Hillary Clinton’s e-mails (remember those?) two weeks before Election Day, and it was one of the immense cascade of discrete pieces of bullshit that tipped the race in favor of a slumlord from Queens with scotch tape on his tie.

However, his record is not one of an ideologue hack: he was one of the few in the Bush Administration to oppose torture, plus he refused to sign off on the NSA’s domestic spying program, believing it unconstitutional. (I’ll recap for the Younger Enthusiasts and the older, more forgetful Enthusiasts: This was 2004, and Comey was acting AG because John Ashcroft–a man so foul and loathsome that he lost a Senate race to a dead guy–was in the hospital. Upon Comey’s refusal, Andy Card (White House Chief of Staff) and Alberto Gonzalez (White House counsel) drove to the hospital and badgered Ashcroft in his sick-bed. Comey then followed them to the hospital, so he and Ashcroft’s wife could physically toss the two men out of the room.)

So, today–remember, The Daily Recounting is only about the past 24 hours–Comey asked the Department of Justice to publicly refute the president’s claims that President Obama had ordered wiretaps on Trump Tower. The Department of Justice is run by a guy named Jeff Sessions, who is a short, weak, ugly man who believes in the inherent superiority of his genes, but Comey did not make the request to him because Jeff has recused himself from anything having to do with Russia since he got caught perjuring himself about it.

Got all that?

In simpler terms: America’s top cop asked the attorney general to confirm that the president is a liar.

The ball is now in the DoJ’s court, and they can do one of two things: say that there were no wire taps in Trump Tower, which means the president’s a liar; or say that there were, which means a federal judge saw enough evidence of collusion with a foreign power to grant a warrant.

And where was The Idiot? Golfing in Florida, of course, because he is a 70-year-old man and that’s what they do.

Good luck, and god bless America.


  1. Luther Von Baconson

    March 6, 2017 at 3:03 pm


  2. Tuesday Jackson

    March 6, 2017 at 3:14 pm

    Couldn’t help myself.

  3. Thoughts On The Dead

    March 6, 2017 at 4:22 pm

    Yeah, no one gives two shits what Soviet Snowden has to say about anything.

  4. John Stallings

    March 6, 2017 at 8:32 pm

    Ummmm… Not My 10 commandmentz

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