Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

The Daily Recounting 3/6/17

Another big day, Enthusiasts: they’re all big days when you come to the end of them. Just the past 24 hours–you know the format–we’re just discussing the past 24 hours, and as usual I will not be linking to anything in hopes of discouraging you from viewing TotD as any sort of news source. Please do not get your news from me.

Let’s start with the flunkies and work our way up to the copper-colored comrade.

People used to not know Ben Carson was an idiot; in fact, the exact opposite was believed. He was (and still is, I suppose) a goddamned brain surgeon, but apparently it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to be a brain surgeon. The Republicans always have one black friend just like in sitcoms. Over the years, there’s been J.C Watt, and Allen West, and Herman Cain.

Oh, yeah, and Omarosa works at the White House now.

I know I didn’t break my paragraph right, but I thought maybe that sentence should sit all by itself in the void so that there would be nothing to distract you from it.

Anyway, he ran for president this year and behaved in exactly the same buffoonish way as J.C., Allen, and Herman did when they stood for the Republican nomination. It’s almost as if the only black people who join the Republican party are shitheads. (My favorite Ben Carson moment of the campaign was his claim that the pyramids were used for grain storage. Does he know we’ve been inside the pyramids, and that they’re not hollow? Has he never seen a grain silo? Every society that has ever grown grain figured out the grain solo very early on: first, they simply piled the grain up, but then it rained and the smart guy in the village said, “We should put the grain indoors,” and then the dumb guy in the village said, “You mean we should build a pyramid?” and then the smart guy got eaten by a sabre-toothed ostrich and the dumb guy went on to have many children who are our ancestors.)

But, while campaigning, he didn’t insult the paper-skinned piss-pot, so Benny got himself appointed to head up the Department of Housing and Urban Development. Dr. Carson has no background in public policy, nor experience leading a large organization, but he has criticized HUD repeatedly for enforcing anti-discrimination laws, so he fits in with the administration’s motif of hiring foxes to guard henhouses.

Today, he gave a speech in front of his department in which he described slaves as immigrants.

And I’ll just let that sentence sit there, too.

Capitol Hill was busy today, as well. The House leadership released their new health care plan; it contains neither health, nor care. Since the implementation of the Affordable Care Act, also known as Obamacare, the GOP has tried to kill it: they voted over 50 times to repeal or alter it, but like the dog that finally catches that damned Honda, they now have no idea what to do and have fallen back on their default: wanton cruelty in the service of the rich.

The new plan is dead on arrival: the more radical Tea Party assholes of the party think it’s not mean enough; the Senate hates it; and–most importantly–public support is growing for the ACA.

Also, fuck Paul Ryan.

Even if the new plan were passable, it may not be possible to get anything done for a little while: Republicans on the Hill have started to back away quietly from the White House and anything labeled “Trumpcare” might be toxic during their next campaign. Folks like Trey Gowdy and Jason Chaffetz–two soulless party hacks–are refusing to defend the president vis-a-vis the wiretapping thing.

Holy shit, we haven’t even gotten to the Muslim Ban yet. (Remember: they are doing this on purpose. They’re trying to overload you with bullshit. Plus: treacherous and shitty as the Congressional Republicans are, they’re not stupid. (Okay, Louie Gohmert is stupid.) But there are some real bright guys in that huddle. They know they only have so long to milk this cow.)

Okay, so: Muslim Ban 2: Electric Babaganoush. Second sura, same as the first. Once more, with extreme vetting. Whatever you want to call it, the president issued his updated Executive Order this morning; we are told it is of vital national security, which is why it doesn’t start for ten days. Oh, and it was ready to be signed last Tuesday, but the bawling tyrant decided to hold off because he was getting good reviews from his speech.

(Remember his speech? And how presidentially he read the sentences?)

Again: I’m not getting into the details because there are better places to find those. Here is the summary: same thing as the last one, but written at the top of the order–in very large letters–is “NOT a Muslim ban.” It might also be noted that since Captain Apocalypse and his Four Horsemen (War, Pestilence, Famine, and Steve Bannon) took office, no terrorist acts have been performed by any immigrant from the nations mentioned in the ban, while Trump supporters have shot three Indian-Americans.

Oh, and the White House tried to strongarm Planned Parenthood because it’s been a few days since they were shitty specifically to women.

Is that it? NO, fuck no, but I need to go back to the semi-fictional universe where everything makes sense.

This was the 46th day of our national nightmare; may we wake up soon. Courage.

5 Comments

  1. SmokingLeather

    March 7, 2017 at 1:03 am

    I think that the hash tag #fuckthoseguys might be trending on tumbler.

  2. Though you have expressly urged me not to, I have come to the decision to make these updates my only news source.

  3. Tuesday Jackson

    March 7, 2017 at 7:08 am

    An enthusiast of Electric Babaganoush & The Daily Recounting.

    Thank you.

  4. Luther Von Baconson

    March 7, 2017 at 4:09 pm

    Oh noooooo

  5. Luther Von Baconson

    March 7, 2017 at 7:15 pm

    these guys rock

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