Batman Hobbies: smirking, murder. In a long-time relationship with his butler. CrossFit enthusiast. May or may not be viewed as an urban legend depending on what scene it is. Has no superpowers except for the ability to make bad guys forget they’re holding guns. Dumb as a post. Needs to clear his throat. Wants his daddy back so bad.

Superman Miserable Jesus. Hates humanity except for one mousey redhead and his mother, who–for some reason–is seven years older than he is. Enjoys hovering dramatically. Dumb as a post. Needs to clear his throat. Wants his space-daddy and his earth-daddy back so bad.

Lex Luthor Moron with full head of hair. Wants his mean daddy back so bad.

Doomsday The bathroom troll from the first Harry Potter film. May or may not have daddy issues.

Wonder Woman Female-shaped block of wood with an unplaceable accent.

Metropolis and Gotham City Within sight of one another, like so many major cities are.

Martha Kent WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?

Diane Lane Deserves better than this bullshit.