Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

The End Of The World: A FAQ

David Meade, the self-described “specialist in research and investigations,” has earned a fair amount of publicity online for predicting that catastrophic events would soon befall Earth.

Among his claims: On Saturday, Sept. 23, 2017, a constellation — a sign prophesied in the Book of Revelation — would reveal itself in the skies over Jerusalem, signaling the beginning of the end of the world as we know it. Meade believes that by the end of October, the world may enter what’s called a seven-year tribulation period, a fairly widespread evangelical belief that for seven years, catastrophic events would happen.

He also claims that a planet called Nibiru, which has been debunked by NASA as a hoax, is headed toward Earth. When it passes the planet later this year, Meade claims, catastrophe in the form of earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tidal waves and others would ensue. – ‘The Man Whose Biblical Doomsday Claim Has Some Nervously Eyeing September 23,” Washington Post, 9/20/17

World ending again?

Yup.

Seems like the end of the world comes around regularly.

It’s been almost five years since the last time the world ended, so we were due.

The Mayans. That was fun.

We were so much older then; we’re Mayan than that now.

I forget: did the world actually end?

No.

Not at all?

Not even a little bit.

Aw.

It would have been nice. Wouldn’t have had to live through 2016.

True. When did the world start ending?

The very second it began. Like, the very first prediction ever made was that the world was gonna end on Friday.

Why?

Humans feel they’re owed excitement in their lives. And we’re pretty fucking stupid.

Speak for yourself.

I do. I’m dimwitted and gullible as a concussed toddler, and I’m one of the smart ones. All of us are dopes: fancy doctors and those with grudges against trees, all of us. We can’t see past the fire’s light, so we make up stories about what’s out there in the dark.

And this leads to a belief in Armageddon?

Sometimes.

Sometimes?

You believe that things happen for a reason?

Sometimes.

There ya go. You got a name?

Sure.

The fuck you do. Point to it. You have a story. That’s what a name is. Just a story, but when you hear your name, your heart beats faster and your pupils dilate. It’s your favorite sound in the whole wide world. Brain lights up like sodium hitting a swimming pool when your name’s called. Just a story, though. Why shouldn’t people believe the world’s gonna end? We believe six dumber things before breakfast.

But why do we keep falling for the end of the world jive?

Maybe because we can’t bear the thought of life continuing without us. Maybe we listened to the wrong preacher, or read the wrong book, or found the wrong website. Doesn’t matter. People love the end of the world and will until the end of the world.

It does happen a lot, though.

Oh, yeah.

One of these days, someone’s gonna guess right.

Possibly.

But it’s not the guy who says it’s happening this week.

Nah.

3 Comments

  1. Luther Von Baconson

    September 21, 2017 at 10:54 am

    gonna be sure to put that rent cheque in the basement slot then, don’t want any post-Armegeddon Collection Agency calls as i’m already in Arrears & Well Garnishee’d. could also explain why The Mars Retrieval Unit is opening for The Golden Road
    https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-golden-road-performs-american-beauty-workingmans-dead-with-guests-mars-retrieval-unit-tickets-36424457533?aff=ebapi

  2. “We can’t see past the fire’s light, so we make up stories about what’s out there in the dark.”

    Next time one o’ them “Sum Up Everything Beautiful & Horrible About The Human Condition in 20 Words or Less” contest comes up, I’d strongly encourage you to enter this quote.

  3. Remember, the Cubs won the world series so it might actually be happening this time.

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