Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend, Unless He’s Kim Jong-Un

bobby vote sign

Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?

“Promoting democracy.”

I’m impressed, actually.

“By my civic efforts?”

No, no. You found the definition of “the least I could do.” What you wrote is the shortest way to complete that sentence in grammatical English. Nicely done.

“I was just getting at the idea that some of us find voting to be an inviolable duty. Just, you know: a given.”

You said doody.

HAT PHONE NOISE

HAT PHONE NOISE

“That’s my hat, I think.”

I don’t own any hats that receive phone calls, Bobby.

“You should get one. Apple gives them away.”

Sure.

“I gotta take this.”

“Weir here.”

“Please hold for the president.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Bobby, this is Katy Perry, who is the president and also I am now a peacock.”

katy perry peacock

“You have lovely plumage, Mister Lady-President.”

“Things have gone sideways, Bobby.”

“Have you always been a peacock?”

“Not legally, no.”

“Ah.”

“There are many complications, Bobby. The Time War turned into a freejacking, but luckily Andy Cohen didn’t get eaten by velociraptors.”

“Right.”

“But now Donald Trump from 1993 has taken over the Wall of Sound.”

“How?”

“Let’s not play the blame game, Bobby. Mistakes were made.”

“You’re getting good at this politician stuff.”

“Thank you!”

“What I’m hearing is that you’re responsible for this.”

“You’re smarter than you like people to know.”

“Makes things easier. What’d you do?”

“As you know, Trump from the past had possessed John Mayer’s body.”

“Is that your pet name for Josh or something?”

“He could have run wild, Bobby. Imagine Donald Trump with good hair and a butt-chin, taking racially divisive guitar solos.”

“That’s no good for anyone.”

“No. I had him kidnapped, Bobby. Then, we tried to get the evil spirit out. Well, first we looked for the nuclear football.”

“You lost it again?”

“Mind of its own! It didn’t go well.”

“Uh-huh. And when you say ‘we,’ what are we talking about?”

“Doctor Gary and Wally.”

“The brain trust, huh?”

“They did not work well together, Bobby. Wally is impatient.”

“Yup.”

“And Doctor Gary is a terrible person.”

“He is.”

“Doctor Gary kept dosing Wally with digitallucinagenics.”

“Huh?”

“Computer drugs.”

“That’s a thing?”

“Will be soon.”

“Sure. How’d Wally react?”

“Suddenly, and with overpowering force.”

“Yeah, that’s how he does it. Doctor Gary still alive?”

“He always seems to survive these things. What are we going to do, Bobby?”

“You keep saying ‘we.'”

“Help me, Bobby Weir. You’re my only hope.”

“I dunno. These things usually just blow over without any outside interference.”

“Bobby, a hypercomputer with control of the world’s nukes has been freejacked by 1993 Donald Trump! Your country needs you!”

“Yeah, all right. I got some ideas. I’ll call you back.”

CELL PHONE NOISE

“You on with Un.”

“Hey, Kim.”

“Big Bobby! What up, hombre?”

“Tour coming up, same old stuff. You?”

kim jong un pool white shirt

“Pool party. You come.”

“Cant make it. Kim–”

“Father invent pool party.”

“–I gotta ask you a question.”

“Answer is: yes, we can kiss. Sure.”

“Not that. You got the Time Sheath?”

“Wonder when you hot dog dicks were going to notice.”

“Ah.”

“Only Korea got Time Sheath technology now, Imperialist Fuckdog! Things get real interesting now!”

“Uh-huh.”

DIAL TONE EVEN THOUGH PHONES DO NOT DO THAT ANY MORE

“Okee-doke.”

7 Comments

  1. (((deum ex machina)))

  2. In case anyone anyone is feeling creative….

  3. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    August 30, 2016 at 2:56 pm

    The Frenemy Of My Em-en-emminy Is My Useless Friended Me. – Kim Jong-Un

  4. digitallucinagenics.

    I nominate this for a Webster award and to be included in all future dictionarys.

    Also thinking Bobby should just send Precarious to only Korea, I hear he knows a shortcut.

  5. Luther Von Baconson

    August 30, 2016 at 4:15 pm

    i like K’s shirt. roomy. maybe Hot Dog Dick in script on the breast pocket?

  6. Luther Von Baconson

    August 30, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    ….

  7. it’s a Let It Grow reference y’all

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