Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

The Hogfather

What’s your favorite thing about Christmas, Pig?

“Pussy!”

Besides that.

“After that, I s’pose I like the music best. All them songs ’bout Christmas heroes and whatnot. I’m talkin’ ’bout Frosty and Rudolph, all them fellows. Big Red.”

Santa?

“The ol’ Pig loves him some Santa. Me an’ him in the same business! Bringin’ joy to the children!”

True.

“”Cept that fat man only works one day a year! I’m out on the damn road sweatin’ and makin’ it night after night!”

Well, in Santa’s defense, it takes a lot of prep work to get ready for that one day.

“I figure most o’ Santa’s time is taken up by elf management.”

Probably.

“We tried to do one o’ them Secret Santa deals one year. Didn’t go good.”

What happened?

“The Grateful Dead was involved!”

That will throw a wrench in things.

“Weir didn’t understand th’ underlyin’ concept! He thought ‘Secret Santa’ was like a secret agent or somethin’! Started sneakin’ around in a trenchcoat and other various foolishnesses! Gave himself a code name!”

What was it?

“Felix Navidad.”

That’s a good Secret Santa name.

“I don’t got no hard feelings ‘gainst the name. It’s clever.”

What about the other guys?

“Drummers just took their dicks out! Garcia forgot! The endeavor was an immediate failure at every damn level!”

Sounds right.

“Can’t let nothin’ ruin your Christmas, though. Gotta go out and suck all that Christmas down quick as y’can! Only get so much of it, gotta grab it ‘fore it’s gone. Put that Christmas in the freezer, so’s you can take a little bit out when you need it in July or somethin’.”

You always make sense, Pig.

“I know!”

2 Comments

  1. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    December 15, 2017 at 11:29 am

    Nice one of Ron, TOTD!

  2. The boys definitely hung with (and maybe just maybe jammed with) the creator of the hands-down greatest Christmas record of all time: Vince Guaraldi.

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