Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

The Only Match Game In Town


“Once they see the hair in person, they’re defenseless.”

Like the Super Bowl.


I don’t see a wedding ring. Get in there, bro. Use some of those moves Bobby taught you.

“Wandering around looking for my reading glasses?”

The other move.

“Glaring into cameras?”

Okay, forget Bobby. Did Billy teach you any moves?

“Billy doesn’t have moves. He just takes it out and sprints at chicks.”

Does that work?

“If the girl doesn’t know how to juke, yeah.”

Trick is to watch the hips.

“Sure. Listen: I don’t need any help with ladies. I’ve been a Grateful Dead for 20 years.”

Sort of.

“Closest you can get. De facto.”

I’ll give you de facto. You are a de facto Grateful Dead.

“I mean, it’s not like the old days, but it ain’t that tough. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Oh, wait: that’s a move Billy taught me. See, he puts women in a barrel–”

Stop talking.


  1. De facto the longest serving Grateful Dead keyboardist, by far, is Jeff Fuckin’ Chimenti.

    I hate myself for liking this band, you know.

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    February 7, 2018 at 12:41 pm

    happy clash day deadener dudeners

    Hitch on git-fiddle

    also also good work Jeff

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