“Dearly beloved and Billy, we are gathered here today to witness these two folks join together in holy matrimony.
“I’m reminded of an old Percy Sledge single: When A Man Loves A Woman. More specifically, the b-side: When A Man Gets Too Old To Plow Groupies With Any Dignity.
“I’m also reminded that I can’t see a thing without my reading glasses. Has anyone seen my glasses?
“Everyone turn out your pockets. No one’s getting married ’til I find the thief.
“Pat down New Brent. Dunno what it is about keyboardists, but they can’t help themselves around shiny objects. They’re like bowerbirds.
“No one’s copping to it? That’s it: wedding’s off.”
“AW WILL MARRY THESE FINE AMERICANS!”
“GEN’RAL ELVIS PRESLEY REPORTIN’ FER DUTY!”
You were a private.
“AH PR’MOTED MAHSELF RAPIDLY.”
Get out of here. You’re everyone’s least favorite recurring character.
“YOU COME AT TH’ KING, YOU BETTER NOT COME AT TH’ KING!”
Lesson learned. That’s a damned fine salute, Elvis.
“AH INST’NTLY LEARNED ALL THERE WAS ‘BOUT SOLDIERIN’! AH C’N TURN LEFT, AN’ RIGHT, AN’ ABOUT MAH FACE.”
“NOT TOO FOND O’ TH’ HOURS.”
Army starts their days a bit earlier than you usually do, yeah.
“AW, MAN, YOU GOT ME ALL UNCOMBOBULATED. S’PPOSED T’ BE MARRYIN’ THEM FOLKS. WHERE THEY GO?”
Bobby threw everyone out of the building while you were saluting.
“LEAVIN’ TH’ BUILDIN’ IS MAH TRICK!”
It’s a good trick.