Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

The Return Of Radio Randy (Or Does He?)


“Bobby, thanks for coming on the show.”

“Well, thanks for having me, Radio Randy.”

“No, I’m my father, Radio Randall.”

“That makes sense. It’s 1973.”

“Bobby, what’s next for the Grateful Dead?”


“Very traditional of you.”

“We were thinking about skipping right to 1983, but Keith was really against it.”

“How so?”

“You could tell by the way he passed out.”

“Sure. Can I ask about the glasses?”


“The glasses?”

“Thinking about getting into serial killing.”

“Interesting. Tell us more.”

“It’s on the back-burner right now. Dead comes first, and I’m working on an opera about Babe Ruth, and then the serial killing. But, you know: start with the specs.”

“Awesome. We have a call from a lonely weirdo in Florida.”

Hi, Radio Randall. Hey, Bobby. I have a question in relation to the serial killing?

“Go for it.”

I’ve long had a pet theory that people are either serial killers or spree killers. One day everybody finds out what’s buried in your garden, or you go to the food court with an Uzi one day for no specific reason.

“This is a metaphor, right?”

Almost all of the time.

“Personality types.”


“Ah. Yeah, sure, okay.”

Great. Here’s the question: which Grateful Dead is–

“Drummers are spree killers, everybody else is a serial killer. Especially all the keyboardists.”

You didn’t even have to think about that.

“It’s obvious.”

Wow. Great call. Thanks, Radio Randall.

“You’re welcome, racist.”

STOP THAT! You’re in 1973! The standards of racism are so much higher!

“They seem to be getting back up there where you are.”

Fuck you, Radio Randall.

“Ha ha, I live when gas is ten cents and the Grateful Dead is touring.”



“Bob, I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

“Hear what?”

“Then I retract my apology.”


  1. I wish I could find the New Years Eve Bobby Rant that goes something like this.

    Woo Hoo Happy New Year, says everyobody,

    and Bobby says..
    “You have all been duped”
    “In 1956 a bunch of folks got together and decided it was going to stay 1956 forever”
    (I had it on tape, but you know what happens to cassettes after 25 years? Right who knows)

    It was hilarious then, and now with you know time travel it is funnier than ever.

  2. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    November 22, 2016 at 1:33 pm

    The interviewer kinda looks like Jerry?

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