Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

The Wheel Is Turning

deadandco poster wheatland

“Jenkins! Come here and look at this!”

“I’ve fallen for this before, sir.”

“It’s not my dick, Jenkins.”

“What am I looking at, sir?”

“My last poster-related fuck. It’s flown out the window and I wanted you to say goodbye to it with me.”

“There’s only so many ways to mix and match turtles, bears, and skeletons, sir.”

“It’s like how there were eight seasons of House, MD, but there was only one season worth of stories.”

“And the posters don’t even star Lisa Edelstein, sir.”

“Has she returned my calls?”

“No, sir.”

“I would convert for her, Jenkins. To Jewishness.”

“Judaism.”

“Both. Either. Whatever. I’ll believe whatever that woman’s heinie tells me to.”

“Sir.”

“50, Jenkins! Woman is 50 years old! Forget Hanukkah, that’s a true Jewish miracle.”

“Sir.”

“Like to put my menorah in her window.”

“The menorah is–”

“Your dick, sir.”

“–my dick, Jenkins. Oh, good: you understood the metaphor.”

“May we return to the poster, sir?”

“Oh, fine. Whose turn is it to spin the Wheel of Dead Bullshit?”

“I’m up, sir.”

“Wonderful, but I’m going to do it.”

“As always, sir.”

“Here we go. Such fun!”

SPINNING NOISE

“Come on, bears!”

“Don’t let me down, skeletons!”

SPINNING NOISE

CLACK CLACK CLACK

CLACK CLACK

CLACK

“Skeleton! Yes! Write that down, Jenkins.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And write down that I called it because I am awesome. We should go to Vegas, Jenkins.”

“Sir.”

“Vegas, Jenkins.”

“Please just spin the Wheel of Dead Bullshit again so I can have the poster made, sir.”

“My Lord, it has been nearly forever since I’ve told you to blast your eyes, hasn’t it?”

“It has, sir.”

“Blast them, then.”

“Yes, sir. The Wheel?”

“Fine, fine.”

SPINNING NOISE

SPINNING NOISE

CLACK CLACK CLACK

CLACK CLACK

CLACK

“Turtle! There you go, Jenkins: skeleton on a turtle. Something like that.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Why don’t we make all of our decisions with the Wheel, Jenkins?”

“Honestly, sir? That’s a great idea.”

“Write down that it was mine.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Wheatland, Jenkins?”

“Apparently, sir.”

“Founded by literal-minded sons of bitches, huh?”

“Seems that way, sir.”

7 Comments

  1. Zeb Love has made some pretty nice posters.

  2. I can’t read “the wheel is turning” without thinking of “The Wheel” by Coil (RIP) . . .

    (That’s a ghost voice recording, allegedly, in the noisy intro).

    (I really, really, REALLY liked them . . . https://jericsmith.com/2010/11/26/a-passing-peter-christopherson-1955-2010/)

  3. More turtles fewer bears.

  4. This looks more tortoisey than turtley.

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