Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Things John Mayer May Not Wear As A Grateful Dead

JM blanket dog

  • All of his clothes at once, for some reason.
  • Blankets.
  • No hats.
  • No do-rags.
  • Ditto Keith Richards-style pirate scarves wrapped around your head and blowing behind you as you do your guitar moves.
  • Hey: maybe no guitar moves?
  • Medieval armor.
  • Chain mail.
  • Morph suit.
  • Any of your little costumes, I don’t care whether or not it’s Halloween.
  • More than one (1) necklace at a time.
  • Said necklace may only have one (1) charm, pendant, or bauble hanging from it.
  • But maybe let’s not do a giant diamond crucifix.
  • You have one.
  • We all know you have one.
  • Shorts. (Bobby’s thing.)
  • Dead shirt. (Mickey’s thing.)
  • Half-ton of living, orange rock. (The Thing.)
  • “Let Trey Sing” t-shirt?
  • Do not do that.
  • You may not possess any sort of scarving.
  • Do not tie a long scarf around your waist, to flow of your hip like a bullfighting superhero.
  • (The bulls were evil, I guess.)
  • You also may not have a scarf tied around your neck, arm, leg, shin, dong, guitar, or mic stand.
  • Stop it with the scarves, Stevie Nicks.
  • To settle all future controversies about what is and isn’t allowed, let’s make this the standing order: only clothes with a purpose.
  • “Can I wear a jacket?”
  • It’s almost November in New York: of course you can.
  • “What about pants?”
  • Otherwise, you will be arrested!
  • Wear yourself some pants, white boy.
  • “I would like to wear a scarf.”
  • Is is made of wool?
  • “No.”
  • You may not.
  • See how easy life is?
  • You may have heard stories about, or seen pictures of, Bobby in his Madonna shirt back in the day and thought, Hey: it would be funny to honor Bobby and the Madonna shirt by wearing a shirt with Katy on it; you must stop thinking that.
  • White. (The show is after Labor Day.)


  1. Maggie flies into fit of rage in 3..2..1…..

  2. He also shouldn’t wear his guitar down on his pelvis like the douchey little frat boy he is. It’s okay when Trey does it, he’s cool. He doesn’t wear it as low.

    Better yet, he shouldn’t wear his guitar at all.

  3. Let him have his guitar moves. I hope he does this:

    and especially this:

    (skip to 7:40 for the money shot).

  4. Sounds like JM must appear NAKED. Is HIS body a WONDERLAND, REALLY? Is Bob trying to find out? Is he a musician or an advertisement for the long term consequences of the use adderol? Is Otiel in this mix just to add a little color to the show? Enquiring minds want to know!

  5. Maggie’s present self says stop deleting.

    Maggie’s future self says OMG thank you TOTD.

  6. I hope all of u know that I don’t actually hate you and I’m not nearly as potty-mouthed and snarky in real life hopefully we can Netflix and chill someday (jk don’t do that it’s kind of a meme these days)

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