“Watch yerself, ya cunt. Oi’ll fuckin’ foight yew, Oi will.”
Everything about you belongs in the Problem Attic.
“Oi am a wock star.”
You certainly are. Why are you here?
“Ev’rybody’s taaawkin’ about me, aren’t they? The Filf an’ th’ Fury. Big hit, innit? Oi’m famous again.”
No. The Fire and the Fury, which is a book about an idiot. Not the Filth and the Fury, which was a movie about several idiots.
“Oi don’t like books.”
Shocked. Can you go away now?
“Are yew gonna keep taaawkin’ ‘about books?”
“Oi’ll nod out.”
So: The Fire and the Fury. You’ll notice I linked to the excerpt from New York that ran at the beginning of the week; it’s really all you need, plus the other leaked bits. A few random thoughts about the rest of it:
- I guarantee you–I guaranfuckingtee you–that at some point during Michael Wolff’s embedding, Steve Bannon began thinking of him as his Boswell. This is for two reasons: 1, Steve Bannon is an intolerably pretentious human fart; and 2, Steve Bannon told Michael Wolff fucking everything. He might have given Wolff the key to the “Breitbart Mansion” and the password to his phone. (Steve Bannon’s phone password is NOFATCHIX.)
- Hope Hicks is the Comms Director of the White House. She also has another, untitled, position in the Trump Administration for which she is not paid, but is well-compensated.
- There may not be a better portrait of a woman losing her mind than the one Wolff paints of Katie Walsh. She is a bloodless technocrat who could organize either a cancer charity or a mass execution–it’s all just politics–but she plants nose-first in the supreme Bush Leaguery of the Trump Administration. Imagine going to sleep in the Veep universe and waking up in The Three Stooges: you thought you’d be governing, but instead it’s just ugly men punching each other in the dicks all day long. Katie bailed in March.
- Annoyingly, though, the book, filled with sentences like this one, often tasks your concentration.
- Stop saying “Jarvanka,” Micheal Wolff. Just say “Jared and Ivanka.” Jarvanka sounds like a fake app from a movie.
- It is impossible to overstate how Bush League this day-old bakery of an administration is, with one exception: Mike Pence. Say what you will about the pinchfaced toad, he didn’t talk to Michael Wolff.
- Speaking of which: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP LETTING MICHAEL WOLFF HANG OUT IN THEIR OFFICES?
- Do they think it’s gonna go well?
- It never goes well for anyone but Michael Wolff.
Who is that? I know that voice.
“SIIIIIIID. Wake uuuuuup. You’re embaaaaaarrassing me.”
You can’t be here.
“FUCK YOUuuuuuuu, maaaan. You got ten bucks?”
Nope. We’re done.