Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

This Is The Story Of The Hurricane

hurricane-matthew

Hey, Hurricane Matthew. Whatcha doing?

“Florida, baby! It’s the season!”

Great.

“Gonna see all my friends.”

Who are your friends?

“Zika, Flakka, Governor Scott.”

Sure.

“Good buddy, the governor. Great guy. We got this little bet going.”

What?

“Who can fuck up Florida the worst.”

Who’s winning?

“Well, he’s in the lead right now, but it’s Matthew’s turn to shine now. And by ‘shine,’ I mean kill a couple dozen people and cause a few hundred million in property damage.”

What else do you want to do in Florida?

“Orlando.”

Obviously.

“Wizarding World of Harry Potter, man. I’m huge in the Potter fandom: you should check out my Tumblr.”

No.

“Gonna hit Miami.”

Art Basel?

“Of course.”

Awesome. Any chance you can, you know: not? Please don’t come here. Make a right turn, please.

“Oh, I made a right turn years ago.”

You’re voting–

“MAGA, fucker!”

–for Trump. Of course you are.

“He’s saying what I think.”

Which is?

“‘I want everyone to die horribly.'”

Dammit.

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