Lesbians are the only straight people; I shall prove my point.
Straight women may claim to be straight, but by definition straight women enjoy having sex with men, which is incredibly gay. Straight women give beejers: also gay. Another way we can tell that straight women are gay is that they want to get married to men. That is flat-out homosexual nonsense.
Gay men are gay; we will take their words for it
Straight men are, though, also gay as fuck. And not the ones who are secretly gay, or gay after their fourth drink, or just gay in blue states: I speak of all straight men. Straight men play with dick all day, which is some queer shit right there. That the dicks in question are their own makes little difference. As Gertrude Stein once wrote, “A dick is a dick is a dick.”
(It should be noted that while straight men play only with their personal penises, gay guys have a more inclusive attitude when it comes to playing with wangs. This does, by any metric, make gay guys more gay than straight guys, but straight guys are pretty gay.)
Lesbians, on the other hand, are like the couple from the nursery rhyme, Jack Spratt and his wife: Jack could eat no fat; his wide could eat no lean. Now, instead of “fat” and “lean,” substitute “dongs.”
Lesbians are straight, since they do no gay stuff.
Quod erat demonstrandum.