Overheard from a guy who didn’t quite understand the whole twitter/Syria thing: “Honey, can I still make my pizza bagels? Or is the…no? Green light on the pizza bagels? 100% on this? Remember when we had to replace the pressure cooker, dear.”

“I DIDN’T HAVE MY DICK IN THE PRESSURE COOKER! YOU DIDN’T SEE WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU SAW!”