Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Thoughts On Phish

  • Say what you will about Billy or Mickey, I never had to stare at their pasty, hamhock-sized upper arms for an entire evening.
  • A number of times during the second set–the part that I was awake for–Trey became confused about the difference between “a slightly forced transition” and “starting to play another song than the rest of the band.”
  • Page is actually placed on his little stool fourteen hours before the show and then they place his keyboards around him.
  • All mocking aside, Page is the best protected against an incursion of zombie Wooks.
  • The base-level competence necessary to pull something like this (real-time streaming HD) is so far beyond the Dead’s it’s not a comparison: if the Dead had tried something like this, they would have begun by trying to invent a new and louder internet, accidentally knocked three weather satellites off course, and misplaced several hundred thousand dollars.
  •  Either you can skip the gym, or you can wear tight little high-fashion t-shirts. Can’t do both.
  • Also, Mike’s new hair gives him Johnny Bravo’s profile.
  • I cannot overstate the horror that was Fishman’s arm fat.
  • If a Dungeons & Dragons game broke out: Trey would insist on being the DM; Mike would alternate between taking the quest too seriously and organizing a coup against Trey; Page would be quietly the best at the game; and Fishman would be touching himself under the table.
  • Contrary to stereotype, three of the first set songs (555, Fast Enough, and Stealing Time from the Faulty Plan) all had pretty decent lyrics and reflectable lessons and morals and you all know how I like some good sermonizing in a song.
  • In line with stereotype, the rest of the tunes’ words sounded like a clever man having a series of small, but debilitating, strokes.
  • Very few men on the planet have ever consistently banged so far out of their league as Page.
  • Trey does some sort of cockroach-stomping elven dance when he gets excited and it’s deeply unsettling.
  • Y’know what’s worse than commentors? People who participate in the “chat” during streams. If you participate in the “chat,” we can’t be friends anymore.
  • In between sets, Mike went from bare-necked to scarf. Now: it’s August in Georgia; this wasn’t a warmth thing, so its appearance begs the question: what was the decision-making process? Was this always the plan? Did Mike’s sense of style cal an audible? Did a fox backstage say, “Great first set but I could have used more hipster scarf!”
  • And then once the choice to be-scarfinate himself has been made, how many choices are there? Does Mike make the crew lug around an entire road case full of semi-diaphonous Gordon Garments? Does he receive a new one every show and trash his dressing room if it isn’t there?
  • How long did it take him at the mirror to make it look so casual?
  • Do the other Phishes make fun of him while he does this?
  • If not, why on earth not?


  1. Fucking hilarious. Laughing my fat ass off over here.

    You gonna hit Dicks or what? We’re waiting for you w/ open arms…

  2. Thank god you made it out alive…I could not understand this band EVER even to listen all the way through one song! I could not imagine an entire show… recover well!

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