Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Thoughts On T-Shirts Without Research

  • They do not have sleeves, but sometimes they do.
  • You should probably bring a jacket.
  • You cannot wear one to Nancy Reagan’s funeral.

Excuse me.

Dude, did you just unilaterally drop the post out of Bullet Points? You don’t have the authority to change formats like this.

Shut the fuck up.

We both need to turn our keys at the same time.

That scene never made any sense. It was in a bunch of movies.

Huh? The key thing is a smart idea. That way one guy can’t blow up the world. It takes two guys to blow up the world.

No, not that: the scene. One guy would always refuse, and the other one yells.

It’s dramatic.

Right, a nuclear launch isn’t enough. Good point. And then?

The recalcitrant soldier gets a gun pointed at him.

But he still won’t turn the key. And then what happens?

The first guy shoots the second guy for not turning the key.

WELL, HE’S SURE AS SHIT NOT GONNA TURN THE KEY NOW, IS HE?

Never thought of that.

It’s a dumb scene.

It’s in a bunch of movies.

I believe that movie studios were federally mandated to include that scene in every third release in the 80’s.

Sure. Okay: why did you interrupt me?

Because you were fucking around and wasting people’s time; you have neither thoughts on t-shirts, nor is it a subject where your pitiful education will lead to laughs.

Oh, but I know truly nothing about t-shirts.

No one does. There’s nothing to know. It doesn’t have a collar. Used to wear them under shirts. Now they are the shirt.

T-shirts got a promotion.

No, society became sloppy and convinced that comfort was more important than dignity.

I’m certain t-shirts have a powerful and fascinating history.

They don’t, and even if they do: there’s not enough time. There’s just not enough time for a re-assessment of t-shirts. You only get so much time on earth. They’re short tunics with corporate logos on them. Move on.

Aw.

There’s just not the raw material for a Without Research post.

Ah, but I was planning on winging it and making puns for a few hundred words, then going off a tangent about the time Bobby became a Swiss citizen by accident.

Please, no.

Fine.

There’s one other thing.

The other shirt drops.

I was going to do a whole “Dead Hardy” post–

It wasn’t that clever.

–so I went looking for ugly Dead shirts and then I started thinking about Dead shirts.

Mickey?

Funny. Here’s the thing: we are definitely going to sell t-shirts.

It’s been so long since I silk-screened.

You’re adorable. The innnertubes makes t-shirts now.

How about that.

You upload an image to a site and they sell the sucker for you.

Uncanny.

They call that disruption.

Of course they do. So let’s slap a Stealie on a shmata and make a few bucks.

Yeah, nah. People already have those and I don’t want to sell those. Plus, you have to order 50 at a time or so; if the shirt’s boring then there’ll be a pity sale or two, but you know what they say about fooling all the people all the time.

It can lead to the White House?

Nicely done.

Then what’s going on the shirt?

Oh, I had many ideas. Probably be the next post.

Really? Maybe throw a picture in to break up the monotony of you?

Sure.

Great.

1 Comment

  1. The world could do with a repro of the Pigpen T-shirt.

    Another idea I am happy for you to exploit is to have the “What’s the difference?” contest sketches on the front and back.

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