Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Thoughts On The Rock & Roll Hall Of Whatever

The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony is tonight, and no matter what you’re doing, it’s better than having any part of that unctuous ego-orgy. Fuck off, R&RHoF, fuck off for forever and a day; take your precious Stratocasters in their security-glass sarcophagi with you; dump it all in Lake Erie and let it float away until someone needs to make another documentary.

No one loves you, Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. They just use you for the sales bump. Money’s on the dresser.

Anyway, they’ve run through all the deserving artists (not really) and now we’re left with an evening whose highlight may or may not be Steve Perry’s presence. Which–if you’re keeping score–does not count as a highlight in any reality except the one where you are wrongly accused of murdering a Girl Scout troop and Steve Perry is your alibi. In that reality, Steve Perry showing up is the biggest highlight of your life. In this one? Not impressive.

Here’s this year’s class; I will try my hardest not to do the “BUT THESE BANDS AREN’T IN” bullshit. None of this matters and it’s all offensive to anyone with an IQ high enough to spell “IQ.”

ELO ELO? Ugh. Meh. Nah. Psh. ELO was basically Beatles fan fiction with a disco beat. Jeff Lynne was also the weakest link in the Traveling Wilburys. One shining moment: soundtrack of Boogie Nights.

Joan Baez The first whispers of a Baez comeback/rethink are in the offing, and let me put a stop to it toot fucking sweet: Joan Baez sucks. Her voice is like a clumsy surgeon’s scalpel, and she appears humorless. (At least in her material. FoTotD David Browne recently interviewed her for Rolling Stone and she sounded tolerable, but it’s not the Sixties any more and I hate the fucking Sixties and the fucking Baby Boomers and they can all suck my balls and someone get a Time Sheath and send Joan Baez back to Woodstock so she can lecture people some more.)

Journey New rule: if you replace the lead singer with someone who used to cosplay as the lead singer, then you can’t be in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Sure, there’s been a 20-year-long chain of Fake Jerrys in the Dead, but…

Huh.

Realize you had an indefensible point halfway through the sentence?

Little bit.

Kadlicek.

Yup.

Wanna apologize to Journey?

No. Fuck Journey.

Acknowledge you were wrong, though.

No. Fuck you.

Oh, I’m looking forward to the light and life you’re going to share with the world this evening. What a fine mood you wear.

Bite me.

Pearl Jam Ten was good, Vs. was great, and Vitalogy, No Code, and Binaural had their moments, plus I really dug the album they made backing up Neil Young. Here, check this out:

(There’s an official video, but trust me: you don’t want to watch it.)

So, yeah, okay, fine, whatever. Good job, Pearl Jam.

Tupac Shakur Tupac was Trixie’s high school friend, so I am glad for him.

Yes Yes is the only band more ridiculous than the Dead, and the only one on this list other than Pearl Jam that TotD has seen live: holy shit, was it excruciating. It was the Union tour, and Yes fans will remember the Union tour as the tour when every human being who had ever been in Yes was onstage at the same time: 20 or 30 deeply unpleasant-looking pale men waiting for their turns to solo.

Why did they do this? Well, there were two Yeses at the time: the Chris Squire/Buggles/Trevor Rabin version (which owned the name), and the version with Anderson, Bruford, Wakeman, and Howe (who performed under the imaginative name of Anderson, Bruford, Wakeman, and Howe). The two factions kept suing each other and cannibalizing each other’s ticket sales, so the record company mushed them together and threw them out on the road.

Did you miss the part about the Buggles? The guys who did Video Killed the Radio Star? Yeah, the Buggles were in Yes for a while. Swear to God. The only backstory with comparable complexity belongs to Cable from the X-Men, and that involves both time travel and alternate dimensions.

Fun fact: Rick Wakeman has joined and quit Yes five times, and he bought himself a new cape to mark each occasion.

Nile Rodgers Go look at this motherfucker’s credits. I dare you. Plus, he produced this:

So, there ya go.

12 Comments

  1. extra cranky! long week?

  2. Dunno if you are up on The Fall at all, but after all the skidillion members in that band and various and sundry offshoots and spawn, Mark E. Smith at some point correctly noted “If it’s me and your granny on bongos, then it’s The Fall.”

    Chris Squire could have said “If it’s me and some dude in a cape on a harp, then it’s Yes,” and I’d have said “Yup” and bought their next album and gone to see their next show. But now Chris Squire is dead (I had two tix in hand to see Yes at the Iowa State Fair when it happened)(seriously) and yet there’s still some dudes on the road calling themselves Yes (including a Buggle and a cosplay singer)(seriously), so, uhhh . . . No. Time’s up. No mas. Stop it.

    What bugs me most about this “honor” now is that the Hall only admitted Yes because Squire croaked. See also all of Bowie’s new Grammies. It’s too late to be nice to dead people. But beyond that, I have one even mightier, all consuming beef with the folks behind that sham temple of loud culture . . . What they did to poor, dead Bob Welch:

    https://jericsmith.com/2012/06/10/future-games/

  3. Absolutely right, JES. It’s pretty unlikely the Buckingham Nicks version would have ever happened if Welch wouldn’t have been there to keep things going. And while I enjoy all incarnations of Fleetwood Mac, I have a soft spot for those Welch albums, especially Future Games. Plus he went on to have a nice career with the Dodgers and later the A’s.

  4. Yeah, the Hall is jive but people love museums.

    One could do worse than Baez. Disclosure: I worked as a stagehand at the now torn down Bellview Biltmore hotel in Clearwater during the taping of a Rolling Thunder TV special. Not used, Dylan said it looked too much like Midnight Special, not surprising since the same production team was used.

    Around three days of preproduction, taping, and cleanup. JB was the only performer who was civil and human. We were in close proximity to all and the rule was do not speak to them unless they speak to you. She was the only one who didnt act like a shithead.

    Hey, I kind of hate the tw’eens. My word for the present decade. Not gonna suck your balls either.

  5. Morning Deuce

    April 8, 2017 at 3:29 pm

    I don’t think You’re wrong at all. Difference in my mind is that the parade of fake Jeromes started after real Jerome was no longer avail. And they purposefully never toured under the GD moniker with a fake Jerome on stage

    while fake Journey carries on with fake Steve as Journey, while ol Steve is still walking the earth but not returning Schon’s calls.

    Not that any of this matters.

    Still, fuck Journey with all the fucks available in the fucking world. Lights was originally written about LA. But that douche still jets up to giants post season games from LA like he is some sort of lifer SF guy , leading the crowd to his bs song.

    Oddly enough, I’ve never seen him at a Tuesday nighter in August against the Rockies when the gigantes are 4.5 games out of first. Such a fan.

  6. Luther Von Baconson

    April 8, 2017 at 4:32 pm

    Gordie was awesome on Seen All Good People, just a givin’ her on the git-twanger!

    • Totally.

      Bill Bruford Quartet’s “Take Five” is also legendary.

      What a bunch of players those guys were, in all genres, and sports.

  7. Interesting twist on the “which members count” conversation about the Hall of Fame . . . the only ELO members admitted were Jeff Lynne, Roy Wood, Bev Bevan and Richard Tandy.

    I’d be pissed if I was Louis Clark, Kelly Groucutt, Mik Kaminsky or Hugh McDowell. Playing and arranging all of the strings that made ELO an “O” of sorts on all those ’70s hits might should seem to count for something in Cleveland . . .

  8. Luther Von Baconson

    April 8, 2017 at 6:40 pm

    Phlorescent Leech und Eddie

  9. Luther Von Baconson

    April 8, 2017 at 7:41 pm

    Phil Payot

    • Luther Von Baconson

      April 8, 2017 at 9:34 pm

      Petula was good in this

      fun facts:
      1) Spencer (glasses checked shirt) @ 2 mins
      2) Sky Saxon @ 3:25 mins

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