What’s your favorite Dead song?
“Let’s not play this game.”
Your skirt is backwards.
“No, it’s fashion-forward. Are there two types of people in the world?”
Of course: those ruled by the past, and those ruled by the future.
“Which one are you?”
I told my past that my future was talking shit; now they fight and leave me alone.
“Divide and conquer is such a cliché.”
Things become cliche from overuse, implying efficacy.
“We give Napoleon such short shrift.”
But they just named that big office park after him.
“The Napoleonic Complex?”
That’s the one.
“Run from the past. Keep it at your back. The past means us all harm.”
How can the past catch us?
“It doesn’t have to: we carry the past with us. You can just put it down, y’know? Some of it’s snagged in there with claws, and your clothes might get shredded, and everyone on the street will know you’ve been in a fight. But you can put the past down and walk away.”
I love you.
“I hear that a lot. Unfortunately, I’m dating someone.”
Oh, I can’t wait to see this one.
“I kick it old school, bitch.”
Hey! Captain Fuck!
“NOT QUITE, BUT CLOSE ENOUGH FOR THIS BULLSHIT!”
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s nice to see you. Where you been?
“RUNNING THE ‘CHOMPERS FOR TRUMP’ SUPERPAC.”
Oh, no, Captain.
“DON’T WORRY, I’M STEALING ALL THE MONEY!”
Good work, Cap.