Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Time Keeps On Skipping

jm sweater andy cohen.jpg

“I can’t thank you enough, Andyman.”

“Don’t mention it, Johnboy.”

“Are you sure you don’t want a sweater?”

“Oh, is that what that is?”

“I brought an extra one for you.”

“I’m good.”

“So soft. The wool is made from reclaimed Cabbage Patch Kid hair.”

“So that’s why I smell baby powder.”

“I’ll just leave it on the table.”

“Under is fine, too.”

“Would you like to feel my cowl?”

“John, what’s going on? Why did we need to leave Los Angeles and come to Montana, which is apparently where rich people live now for some reason.”

“LA is a nightmare for me right now. Plus, I can’t be in my house for a few days.”


“Sort of.”

“John, did you open the Chronogate?”

I didn’t! I didn’t do that at all!”

“Well, who did?”

“Are you familiar with the concept of semi-fictionality?”


“That’s me.”

“Oh, Andy, that is so sweet! Your ring tone is Dead & Company!”

“No. It’s the real Dead, John.”

“Okay, sure.”

“You play the song well, too.”

“You’re just saying that.”


“We’ll discuss this later, or not. I’m gonna take this.”

“You’re on the phone with Andy Cohen.”

“What is this, Montana? Nice place to build a golf course, the best golf course.”

“I would play on that course.”

“Hi, there.”

oj donald trump keith hernandez

“John, it’s for you.”



“You don’t get what a Time War is, do you, John? Sad!”

“Montana got a lot of white women.”

“I quit abusing coke, but I didn’t quit doing it.”

“Ohhhhh. Noooooo. Not you, Keith Hernandez. Why are you here?”

“Time War.”

“Time War.”

“1993’s gonna fuck you Jetsons up. This one’s for Harambe!”

“Hold, please.”


“Yes, Johnboy?”

“My problems have followed me to Montana.”

“They always do.”


  1. Rich people have declared war on Montana..


  2. What’s Parish doing with Trump and OJ?

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