Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

To Birthday Me Down

mickey jerry bday cake

Upon being introduced to Garcia, the birthday candles flared up and lit ablaze the shirt of the woman holding the cake, which was not the worst thing in the world, to be honest.

OR

Mickey wished for $600,000 to finish his record Out of Towner, in which he seduces Mormon dudes into doing gay stuff–really gay stuff, stuff straight people won’t hear about for at least 18 months–and then records the sound of their confused weeping afterwards. There are also timbales.

OR

The cake is from Carvel and is called Junkie Puss.

OR

Garcia isn’t actually a stupefied and filthy mess, no: he is workshopping his new improv character, The Grumph.

OR

They jammed Happy Birthday for 15 minutes and Bobby forgot all the words even though there are only six.

OR

You could say anything–quite simply anything–to Garcia at this moment and he would counter with, “Right, man, sure” and scurry back to his dressing room.

OR

It’s tough to see, but the cake is an erotic one depicting a man having sex with a cartoon turkey, which you wouldn’t think would be erotic, but totally is due to the artists at the bakery, Doughy Pete’s. The shop advertises itself as “making cakes you could actually jerk off to” and they’re not lying: security guards have to chase middle-schoolers from the sidewalk out front or else the little pervs start gawking and they get ahold of themselves and you just can’t have that going on on Main Street.

OR

“Cake!”

4 Comments

  1. Just wondering what year this is from. Is this the full-on junkie Jerry of 1994 or the in-rehab-but-going-to-die-8-days-later Jerry of 1995? Either way, for a man in his early 50s he looks awful.

    • I just grabbed the photo without seeing any reference to year, but this looks more like a backstage scene than a rehab scene, but that’s pure conjecture.

      And, yeah: he looks done.

  2. Anchovy Rancher

    October 22, 2014 at 6:45 pm

    Doughy Pete’s tagline: Catchy but, I don’t see it playing well in San Rafael. Maybe on Polk Strasse or The Castro? Pete would need one of those missile proof, roll down, Saigon-after-dark doors on the shop.

    • Doughy Pete’s bakery is right near Uncle Vanya’s Stolen Jacket Emporium and, of course, Creepy Ernie’s House of Unacceptable Trousers.

      All of these are located in a neighborhood yet to be gentrified, Turkmenistantown.

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