Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Today: An Explainer

What the fuck just happened?

It’s weird how often that question comes up lately.

Truly. Again: what happened?

Trump fired the director of the FBI, James Comey.

That fucking guy?

Bad penny, that one.

Can he do that?

Absolutely, positively, 100% yes, he can. FBI directors serve ten-year terms to keep them out of ordinary presidential politics, but they still serve at the pleasure of the president.

So, what’s the problem?

Everything else. Literally everything else.

For someone who claims to love the English language as much as you do, you’re being awfully cavalier with that “literally,” pal.

Comey is–well, was–overseeing an active and ongoing investigation that just tonight began the subpoena phase into the president’s collusion with a foreign nation; he was the only non-political appointee in the process. Comey was (is?) scheduled to testify in front of Congress tomorrow regarding Russian interference in the election. Attorney General Sessions–who, if you’ll remember, perjured himself in the Senate on the topic of Russia and therefore had to recuse himself from the investigation–was told to “find reasons” to fire him. These reasons were scribbled down in incoherent memos and letters today (you might think replacing the director of the FBI would be something you cogitate on for a bit, but not our Basketball Head) and every single reason is a load of shit. There is no replacement in the works. There was no coherent message from the administration; in fact, the first statement from the president was a tweet mocking Chuck Schumer.

That is literally everything; sorry I doubted you.

You really should trust me by now.

Just for shits and giggles, what excuse did Trump give?

Hillary Clinton’s e-mails.


Comey’s handling of it, yeah.

I’m gonna go sit in the garage with the engine running.

I feel you.

If Comey’s behavior was so unacceptable last year, then why wouldn’t he have been removed earlier?

Excellent question.

What’s the answer?

There’s no answer. Trump is a lying, treasonous ballsack full of shit who’s desperately trying to head off the investigation into said lies and treason, and he wanted Comey gone. Sessions, who is a lying, treasonous white hood full of shit, came up with some for him and backdated the paper trail. Everything that comes out of the White House is a lie.

Isn’t this what Nixon did? The Saturday Night Massacre?

Yes and no. Nixon tried to fire the special prosecutor, a guy named Archibald Cox, but his AG and the Deputy AG refused and resigned in protest. Luckily, a young man named Robert Bork who was the Solicitor general was more than willing to do the job and fired Cox.

Bork? That fucking guy?

Bad penny, that one.

So, it’s not exactly the same.

Not the same technically, but identical in spirit.

What happened after Nixon did that?

He resigned nine months later.

Guess he didn’t really think that one through. Did Trump think this through?

I retract the question.

Thank you.


  1. Man if only half is true we r screwed, and i am pretty sure it all true.
    When the fuck are the republicans going to cut this guy lose?

  2. SmokingLeather

    May 10, 2017 at 1:36 am

    If this is not the beginning of the end of trump, then it’s the beginning of the end of the republic.

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