TotDbay

[EDIT: Sold ’em. Only took an hour. I will count the purchaser a synechdoche for the entire readership, and say that you are lovely people who know how get the best deals, just great deals.

Stop that.

Oh, come on! We can’t do the dialogue thing in a damn post-script edit

This is a pre-script.

Sure, but it came after the scripting temporally.

Close the brackets.

Kiss my dick.]

I have an offer for you, Enthusiasts, wrapped in yet another personal failure. Do you remember the headphones? I got all excited and obsessed and bothered all of you about it, and then the more-money-than-I-wanted-to-spend ‘phones arrived and they made my ears red-hot with pain?

They look like this:

They’re a quality product–4.5 stars from 3,200 reviews on Amazon–and they sound good, and the blue is a lovely shade. The sound is exceptional and wide and see-through: the air between the musicians is visible, and you can make out the whole stage in front of your ears, and I cannot wear them for longer than an hour.

I scrolled through those Amazon reviews, specifically the shitty ones; all of them mentioned the sound or the weight (which is silly, because the weight is not the problem) or something else, but no one reported my difficulty, so the conclusion must be reached that my ears are in the wrong place. They are normal sized–I was not teased about them in my youth–but at this late stage in the game it now becomes evident that I am a monster and a freak.

(And it is definitely my misshapen noggin at fault here: Sony’s been selling this model since 1991. It’s me.)

You, however, are most likely in the overwhelmingly vast majority of human beings with correctly-affixed ears, and if you need a pair of headphones, I’ll make you a deal.

$75. I’ll eat the shipping. They have been worn for less than 24 hours total, and placed back in the original packaging, as have the accessories.

Did I mention there are accessories? They look like this:

That is a genuine pouch right there, and you don’t have to put the headphones in it if you don’t want to: you can put your weed in there, and there are drawstrings. There is also a 1/4″ adaptor, and when you slide the small plug into the bigger one, it is a little sexual.

That’s just you.

GET OUT OF HERE. I’M SELLING THINGS.

Jackass.

I bought them from Musician’s Friend for 80 bucks, and they want $15 to ship them back, so fuck those guys. Also, something about community and I love you or whatnot. This is mostly a “fuck those guys” thing. Please help me fuck those guys.

There you go: the most lightly-used pair Sony headphones available on the internet, from a name you trust. (Kind of.) First person to hit me up gets ’em, plus a random object from my home.