Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Two Popes In Confession

pope confession bored

Hey, Pope Francis. You look bored.

“It’s-a not all waving from-a da balcony and-a meeting da movie stars.”

Taking Confession sounds like the one perk of being a priest. Get to hear all the gossip.

“No, no. Is-a boring and-a sad. People all-a da same. Everybody has-a five, six sins. Nothing fun.”

You do this often?

“Si, si. Gotta remember your-a roots. I’m-a just a priest in-a da service of Jesus.”

Yeah, but you live in a castle.

“But it ain’t mine.  I couldn’t-a sell it.”

Why do you know that?

“Whatsamattayou? How dare-a you say this about-a da Pope. I no sell-a da Vatican.”

I’m sorry, Your Holiness. I didn’t mean to imply–

“Ahhh, I got-a you. I was-a like Joe Pesci.”

In Goodfellas?

“Si. He’s-a mad, but he’s-a not mad. He’s-a just fooling around. That’s-a what I did.”

You’re a prankster pope, Pope.

“But-a Benedict rented it out on-a da Airbnb.”


“The guest-a house. He turn-a it into da party central. I saw da Berlusconi one night!”

That guy shouldn’t be in the Vatican.

“Si, si. This Benedict, he’s-a half my day. Is-a like Dennis da Menace, and I’m-a da Mr. Wilson. You know-a da Vatican got-a radio station?”

I didn’t.

“And you know who got-a da drive-time slot now?”

Oh, no.

“He’s-a da shock jock. Plays-a da fart noise. He has-a da poor and-a da diseased on-a da show. He no-a minister to them and-a relieve their suffering.”

What does he do?

“He throw-a bologna at them.”

That’s Howard Stern’s bit.

“Benedict steal-a da jokes. He find-a da priest with-a da stutter. Make-a him talk.”

Oh, he’s a monster.

“Si, si. Get-a your own material.”

So, what’s this kid confessing?

“Whatta you think?”

Impure deeds?

“Its-a always da impure deeds.”


  1. Relevant.

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    July 5, 2016 at 10:50 am

    looks like Francis might be missing out on something

  3. In a few short days, I drive to Wisconsin.

    Oteil Jeff and Friends sticker on the car.

    If the cops recognize that as a red flag then they are indeed worthy adversaries and we will have to up our game.

    Oteil and Jeff and friends shirts will be worn till they smell of patchouli.

    I am not in the pit, and I do not think the boys are staying at the hampton inn. So doubt I get a chance to be a rando.

    Anyone else at Alpine?

    Lot story…
    Someone I know 😉 once loaned an axe to a neighbor in the alpine lot so they could dismantle some interlocking bracelets that they had been given by the nice police officers. The guy jumped out the window of a slow moving car with his cuffs on.

    I wonder how that kid is doing? Did he keep the cuffs as a souvenir of his youth, and a symbol of his freedom? I still have the axe.

    Maybe I should bring a cordless angle grinder this year.

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