“The hell is goin’ on out there?”
Pig, I got no fucking idea.
“President’s havin’ pee-pee parties with Commies?”
President-Elect. And they’re not Communists anymore.
“They still wear them big fuzzy hats?”
I don’t see your point.
“A hat got consequences! Look at my chateau, all beat-up and funky. You ain’t hirin’ the Pig to take your appendix out.”
Chapeau. Chateau is house.
“I failed Spanish!”
What were we talking about?
“That boondoggle you callin’ the present!”
The present is terrible!
“Thought you said the past was terrible.”
It is! But now the present is, too!
“I can’t believe you got the ol’ Pig defendin’ Tricky Dick, but that man ain’t no damn Commie sympathizer.”
He was a patriot, dammit.
“Lemme ask you something: what’s goin’ on with the piss?”
People enjoy what they enjoy.
“Not for the Pig! Bed ain’t no toilet, toilet ain’t no bed.”
“You sure can hump in the shower, though! Kitchen’s okay, too: that’s why they make the tables that height!”
I think there are other considerations.
“I jus’ don’t get that. You’re walkin’ down the street mindin’ your own business, right?”
“And across the way you see a FOX!”
“And the first thing you think is, ‘I wanna piss on her.’ I don’t get that.”
Who can explain the human heart?
“Sometimes I pee on girls on the shower, but that’s jus’ cause I think it’s funny.”
It’s kinda funny.
“Had one fox hit me back with some o’ her own! Angled the stream off her palm and hit the Pig in the damn mouth! Woman had a powerful flow!”
Sounds like it.
“We dated for eight months!”
“But she wasn’t no Commie spy, and I wasn’t no damn President!”
It was fun until you reminded me of that.
“What the hell is goin’ on out there?”
No one knows.